


Reckless Abandonment

by Weasleymama



Series: Reckless [1]
Category: Girl Meets World
Genre: Abandonment, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Loss of Parent(s), Loss of Virginity, Running Away, Sexual Content, Teen Pregnancy, Teen Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-17
Updated: 2016-02-01
Packaged: 2018-05-14 09:58:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 28,727
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5739358
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Weasleymama/pseuds/Weasleymama
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After losing her mother suddenly, Maya's father gets custody of her and takes her to Ohio.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Part One

**Author's Note:**

> This story is part of the [LLF Comment Project](https://longlivefeedback.tumblr.com/llfcommentproject), which was created to improve communication between readers and authors. This author invites and appreciates feedback, including:
> 
>   * Short comments
>   * Long comments
>   * Questions
>   * Constructive criticism
>   * “<3” as extra kudos
>   * Reader-reader interaction
> 

> 
> This author replies to all comments!

> Outside the Matthew’s apartment, Maya sat still like a stone on the front stoop. Kermit was loading his car with her things as she just stared with emotionless eyes into a void before her. Riley sat with an arm around her best friend and she cried openly while Maya had no tears left. There had been no way to know that Katy Hart had an aneurysm in her brain, no way to know that when she dropped in the middle of a shift at the bakery that she wouldn’t be getting back up again.
> 
> The Matthews took care of all the funeral arrangements and helped with the apartment and packing. Maya hadn’t left them since it happened, unable to do anything but cry and feel more broken than she had in her entire life. She clung to the only family she had left – the family that wasn’t even hers. That was until Topanga tried to make it official and adopt the fifteen year old girl, make her a legal member of the family as well. She needed to be able to make decisions for them, needed to get her medical care and grievance care and she couldn’t do any of that as ‘best friend’s mom’. But as soon as she filed, Kermit had shown up.
> 
> He saw it as his second chance with Maya, to show her he could still be there for her and be a good father. He wanted her to see that while he wasn’t there before, he could be now. But as Topanga tried to push for him to just let Maya stay, the harder he pushed back. Topanga was strong, she wasn’t going to let anyone just come in and take that girl away from her. But Kermit had the law on his side with this one – and the judge ruled in his favor.
> 
> Maya had barely spoken a word since Topanga broke the news to her, it had only been three weeks ago she’d lost her mother. She had stopped crying and was only numb to it all. Maya was sure now, hope was indeed for suckers and she was not destined for anything good in her life.
> 
> **\- - - - - - - - - -**
> 
> Kermit had married Jules six months after his divorce with Katy was final, he’d been seeing her since he left his first family, living off her when he had nothing. When she got pregnant with her first child, she had no idea it was his second. He had a second daughter, Megan and then another a year later, Laney. It wasn’t until Maya contacted Kermit that he came clean with his family about the one before them. He had been more shocked and touched that they’d accepted it and forgiven him than he could truly express. It was a large part of why he’d answered Maya the way he did, their actions never leaving his mind through the entire trip.
> 
> Their house was small the two girls shared a room, another for their parents. They had a basement and an attic and one bathroom. The basement was turned into a bedroom for Maya that she’d share with the laundry and some storage boxes of Christmas decorations. They’d curtained off one section of the space for her room, a bed, a dresser and a window near the ceiling. As she walked down the wooden steps to her room she felt like she was being exiled. 
> 
> She found it hard to think of Megan and Laney as her sisters. Riley was her sister, these girls were just her father’s other kids. But at 10 and 11, neither of the girls were all too interested in a big sister they hadn’t known either. When the accepted that their dad had another kid they never planned on this girl coming into their life. Now that she was, they felt like a united front against her.
> 
> Maya was lying on her bed, staring up at the window when the girls came down. There was no door to knock on though Maya was sure they wouldn’t have knocked even if there was. “Sorry about your mom.” Laney began. Maya just turned her head to look at them. They could have been twins, almost completely identical. Maya didn’t say a word in return which made Laney look to Megan for some sort of instruction.
> 
> “This is our house.” Megan began. “Our parents, you’re just here till you’re 18 and then you’re gone.” She had a lot of guts for an 11 year old. Maya just stared at her, she didn’t look so much like them in her opinion. The fact that this teenage girl wouldn’t give her some kind of reaction unsettled Megan a little, but it also made her feel stronger, like she put this girl in her place. “You don’t belong here, he just feels bad for you because your mom died." She was seeing how far she could really push Maya. But she still didn’t respond, just stared Megan down. 
> 
> “Meg.” Laney scolded, elbowing her sister, even she knew it was over the line. But Megan just scoffed and shrugged. When the two girls left Maya just laid back down and looked back to the window, she didn’t need to fight back with children who didn’t want her there. She didn’t want to be there either.
> 
> **\- - - - - - - - - -**
> 
> “Why did you do this?” Jules asked in a loud whisper to her husband. It was after eleven, the girls asleep – all except Maya whose bedroom was the perfect conduit for hearing through the vents. “We don’t have the room or the money for her, she doesn’t know us, the girls are uncomfortable and don’t know what to make of her. What’s wrong with her anyway?” She asked quickly, Maya listened to the floorboard creak as Jules paced. 
> 
> “Nothing is wrong with her, she’s just sad and feeling lost, she’s still my daughter, Jules.” Kermit said as he sat down on the side of the bed. 
> 
> “She hasn’t said a word in a week, Kermit!” Jules shot back. “Something is wrong with her. She hardly ever leaves she won’t go to school, the girls tell me they’ve tried to talk to her and she just stares at them. It’s weird, Kermit. You brought all her stuff here and she hasn’t unpacked anything.” 
> 
> Maya looked over to her stacks of boxes, it was true, she hadn’t unpacked any of her things; she didn’t want to make herself comfortable when she didn’t want to stay. “We can’t afford to send her to some shrink, Kermit, we can’t even put braces on Laney.”
> 
> “Idiots.” Maya mumbled to herself before she pulled her headphones on and rolled over to sleep.


	2. Part Two

> “No, I’m serious! It’s got an actual town square with a gazebo in it and a big sign that says Home of the Rockets.” Maya mocked the town she now lived in with Riley. She’d been waiting in Riley’s room to surprise her when she got home from school. Riley had nearly screamed but Maya had the foresight to cover her best friend’s mouth until she promised not to shout. 
> 
> When Topanga called Riley’s name from the kitchen, Maya’s eyes went wide and she jumped up. “I’m not here.” She whispered and then hid herself in Riley’s closet, even going as far as to hide behind the clothes.
> 
> “Riley…” Topanga pushed open her daughter’s bedroom door. “Have you spoken to Maya lately?”
> 
> “Huh?” Riley jumped a little as her mother entered. 
> 
> “Sweetie, I got a call from Maya’s dad and it seems like she’s run away and he thinks she’s going to come here. You know it’s not safe for her to be on her own trying to go across the country. I know you want Maya back, but I need you to swear to me that if she calls you that you will tell me right away okay?”
> 
> “I-um-” Riley swallowed hard, forcing herself not to look towards her closet. “I swear I’ll tell you if she calls.” She made sure the promise was specific to Maya calling and not showing up.
> 
> Maya peeked out once Topanga left the room, Riley locking the door behind her. “What did you do!?” Riley asked in a strange whisper. Maya just sat in the bay window and hugged a pillow close to her chest, taking in the scent of her favorite place in the world. 
> 
> “I hate it there, Riley, I had to leave. I don’t belong there.” She muttered, sad blue eyes looking towards her oldest friend in the world. 
> 
> “Peaches…” She sighed. “But they’re worried about you, he called my mom.”
> 
> “He called her today. I left two days ago.” She told Riley with little emotion in her voice. “Listen, you swore to tell if I called, so I just won’t call.” Maya continued with a smile. “I just need a little time to figure out how to stay, okay? Please.”
> 
> Riley caved, as she always had for Maya, and let Maya stay, waiting until they were sure Cory and Topanga had gone to bed before Maya climbed into bed with Riley to sleep. Not wanting to risk being caught, Maya was gone before Riley woke up in the morning leaving a simple note that said ‘leave the window open’. Maya slipped back in the window once everyone was gone, first climbing back into bed for another couple hours of sleep before she raided the kitchen. 
> 
> Maya made sure to clean up any trace of herself in the apartment and was careful to slip out before anyone got home again. She wasn’t sure how she was going to make this work, but she knew she was not going to go back to Ohio. She spent many hours in the New York public Library, reading about the art she hadn’t continued learning since her move. She read fiction and history, she just found a nook in a hidden away corner and kept herself hidden away for hours.
> 
> “Maya?” It was two days later in the library that she was spotted by someone else. She jerked up with wide eyes. She had let her guard down as she read and was now face to face with someone very familiar. “Maya, what are you doing here?”
> 
> “J-Josh!” Maya felt a torn smile on her face, half afraid and half so happy to see him. 
> 
> He moved to sit in the chair next to hers and looked at her curiously. “Isn’t everyone looking for you?” He asked. “I heard…” But she just shrugged. “Maya, how did you get here?” She had been sure he would be on his cell to Topanga by now, but instead he was getting comfortable in the chair and looking to her for answers.
> 
> “I took a bus.” She told him simply, closing her book.
> 
> “From Ohio?” She just nodded. “Maya…anything could have happened to you! What were you thinking?!” A shh came from a row of books to their left and Josh’s voice lowered some. 
> 
> “I was thinking I had to get out of there. I was thinking I wanted to go home.” She paused, looking him over. “Are you going to tell?” 
> 
> Josh sighed, something in her eyes softened him some. “No. But I’m worried about you, Maya.” He looked at her for a long time. “C’mon.” And as her eyes got wide, worried about where he wanted her to go. “I’m starving, let’s go back to the dorm and we’ll order some pizza and talk.” Josh had a bad feeling with how comfortable she looked in that chair that she was spending all her time in the library just because it was a free place to go. Maya smiled appreciatively and stood, pulling on her backpack and walking with him.
> 
> Josh and Maya split a large pizza and talked more, she told him about the family she was expected to just be a part of, about the one school town and walking everywhere because they didn’t have public transit. She told him about not speaking to any of them, about how unwanted she felt from everyone but her father. She told them how all she wanted was to be back home away from that place, to be somewhere she belonged. She expressed how she felt her father was just being selfish taking her away from the Matthews but he wouldn’t hear her when she tried to tell him how she felt. 
> 
> “So Riley knows and she’s actually kept it a secret?” He asked with a hint of a smile. He was sitting beside her on the bed but they’d been watching TV as well so his eyes weren’t on her. When she didn’t answer he turned to see her curled up asleep against the wall on his bed. He covered her up and relaxed next to her. It couldn’t hurt to let her sleep for a while. 
> 
> Josh was half asleep himself when he heard Maya’s phone chiming from his desk where she’d left it to charge. Had he been fully awake he likely wouldn’t have checked it, wasn’t his phone after all. But in his drowsy state he just grabbed for it and looked down. Riley was worried, Maya had never come back. Quick message back. “Riles it’s Josh, she’s with me tonight, she’ll text you tomorrow.” And with a confirmation that she’d gotten the text – along with a bunch of questions about why she was there that he wouldn’t be answering – Josh went back to sleep, his arm draping over Maya without realizing he was even doing it.
> 
> Sometime in the night, the blankets fell to the side and Maya wrapped herself around Josh, both of them tangled up together so that when they woke they were nose to nose. Maya had forgotten where she was at first, but seeing Josh so close to her she wasn’t even sure she was even awake. This had to be a dream. She reached, testing the reality and touched his cheek brushing the slight stubble. It was then his eyes opened, blinking a few times as if he too wanted to be sure he was actually seeing what he was seeing. 
> 
> “Sorry I woke you up.” She whispered, her cheeks going a little red but it was too dark to tell. “Just…uh...forgot where I was.”
> 
> “You okay?” He asked, his dark eyes settling on her in the dim light in the room. 
> 
> “Yeah.” She muttered, neither of them moving away, neither untangling their legs from the other and his arm never lifted off her side. She felt warm, and safer than she had in weeks. Josh wouldn’t be able to say what made him want to do it, but he pushed a hand through her hair slowly. Maya’s eyes closed for a second as a hint of a smile showed on her face. 
> 
> Their eyes met and there was something in her, something less pushy than she’d been years before, something soothing in her voice. As he watched her eyes he leaned in. His nose brushed against hers first and he hesitated. “Is this..?” And with just a nod from her to answer his question before he finished asking it, she gave him permission and he closed the gap. It was a small kiss, innocent and sweet and it didn’t grow heavy even though it could have with ease in the solitude. But that wasn’t what Josh was looking for, he didn’t want some heavy moment, he didn’t want it to turn into something more, he just wanted to kiss her once.
> 
> As they both pulled back and Maya smiled a little. “Get some more sleep.” Josh told her softly, a smile on his lips as well as he settled in close to her, holding her without questioning it as they both slipped back into deep sleep.
> 
> **\- - - - - - - - - -**
> 
> It was Riley spending so much time at NYU in the following week that gave it away for Topanga and seeing that her daughter wasn’t going to be telling the truth any time soon, she decided to take it into her own hands. Topanga waited for Riley to go ‘hang out’ with Josh and followed her to the campus and up to the dorm room. It was Maya who opened the door. Her eyes went wide to see what Riley hadn’t – Topanga standing behind her with arms crossed and a stern expression on her face. Maya didn’t bother trying to close the door and pretend it didn’t happen as some teenagers may do, but instead just stepped aside to let them both in. 
> 
> “I have been worried sick about you!” Topanga told Maya, pulling her into a hug as angry tears rolled down her face. She grabbed the small blonde by the shoulders and forced her back so she could see her. “What were you thinking?!”
> 
> “Mom she-” Riley began but was cut off quickly.
> 
> “I’ll deal with you later!” She snapped at her daughter, her attention back to Maya. “Do you have any idea how scared I have been?! I called the police, I have called every hospital between Ohio and here, I thought you were dead!” She shouted, both of them crying now.
> 
> “I’m sorry!” Maya cried.
> 
> Josh showed up to find Maya, Riley and Topanga all holding one another on the bed, all crying. “Aw, shit.” He muttered, realizing they’d been caught.
> 
> **\- - - - - - - - - -**
> 
> Kermit and Jules had been furious when Topanga called to tell them that she’d found Maya. Another 600 mile trip north and missed work had Kermit even more furious with his oldest daughter. He didn’t share pleasantries with the Matthews this time, he didn’t even ask who Josh was when Maya lingered hugging him goodbye. 
> 
> “Maya, I swear, I don’t know what you want from me!” He scolded as she stared at the window of his old beat-up Honda. “I’m trying to be a good father, Maya, I’m giving you a family, I’m giving you a real house with a yard, real sisters…and you take off without any word. You don’t answer when we call. I was worried about you Maya! Do you realize how much work I have to miss to take you back home? Don’t you want me to keep my job, Maya?”
> 
> “It’s not home.” She muttered, and he huffed in frustration. 
> 
> “Maya! For fucks sake!” He shouted, stopping hard and barely missing a cab in front of him. “What the hell is that supposed to mean?!”
> 
> She turned finally, anger all over her face. “It means it’s not my home!” She screamed. “You’re not my family! The Matthews are my family! You are nothing!” 
> 
> Kermit had never hit one of his kids, not ever. He had never struck anything but a wall on a really bad night, never a person. But Kermit hadn’t been pushed quite so far as he was now. More than a week not knowing where Maya was, having to miss work and spend a lot of money in gas to go get her again and she was so ungrateful, so harsh and mean when he was trying so hard to show her he was there now even though he hadn’t been before. He hadn’t meant to swing his arm at her in frustration as he let out an angry shout of ‘shut up!’. 
> 
> Maya stared at him with wide eyes. Just as he had never really hit someone before, Maya had never been hit before. “Shit, Maya I’m sorry! I-” But he couldn’t get out anything else. It only took her a second to grab her bag from the back and swing it forward. It hit him in the back of the head as she swung open the door and jumped out of the car before he could start moving again. “Maya!” He shouted out the open door, throwing the car in park. He got out, being met with many honking cars that all drowned out his shouts for Maya as she took off running back the way they’d come. 
> 
> Having never been hit before, especially by a parent – if she could call Kermit that – she didn’t understand the feelings going through her. She felt ashamed and embarrassed not to mention the sting on her face. Hot tears streamed down her cheeks as she ran, she didn’t stop running until she was at the Matthews apartment. The family was still outside, sitting on the stoop and trying to explain to Auggie why Maya had to leave again. Josh and Riley sitting quietly, knowing they were still in trouble for hiding her, but more upset to have seen her go. Maya ran fast, running into Josh’s arms and clinging to him as she cried. 
> 
> “Maya!?” Cory gasped, the whole family trying to figure out what was going on as she sobbed against Josh’s chest. He looked baffled as he wrapped an arm around her and tried to calm her down. 
> 
> Maya was inside the Matthew’s apartment with a steak on her face when Kermit showed back up. Topanga on the other hand had taken control of the situation as soon as she saw the redness on Maya’s face. Her eye would blacken but she hoped that it wouldn’t be too bad with the steak against it. She called the police and refused to let Kermit into the house until the officer was there as well.
> 
> “Are you kidding me with this?” Kermit exploded as he walked in with two NYPD officers. “It was an accident! Now I’ve had enough of this Maya.”
> 
> “Are you the father?” The officer asked Kermit, the other officer moving over to where Maya sat on the couch between Josh and Riley.
> 
> “We were arguing in the car because I didn’t want to go back to Ohio and he told me to shut up and hit me.” Maya said, glancing over at her father. “I don’t know if he meant to or not, I don’t know him.”
> 
> “Maya.” Kermit said, trying to step closer but the officer stood between them. 
> 
> “I don’t think that’s a good idea, sir.”
> 
> “I didn’t hit her I just swung my arm up, it was an accident for fucks sake!” Maya pulled the steak down from her face, Josh taking it from her and her bruised face was apparent to Kermit now and he looked stricken. “Maya, I never meant to hurt you, I would never. I’ve...shit I’ve never hit anyone in my life.”
> 
> Maya watched him, seeing how distraught he looked. “Okay.” She muttered. “I’m fine, we don’t need police.”
> 
> “Maya, are you sure?” Topanga asked, eying Kermit. She knelt down in front of Maya. “No one ever has the right to hit you, you understand that don’t you?” Maya nodded. “No one, Maya.”
> 
> “I know, but I believe him. I just…no one ever hit me before and, I don't know." She just shrugged.


	3. Part Three

> Maya wondered if she’d pressed charges against her father if she’d have been able to stay with the Matthews…but what if she wasn’t. What if they still made her go back to Ohio with her step-family? She was still a minor who ran away, she would still be in the wrong no matter what the situation and that much Maya knew. Over the next few weeks she spoke with Josh more than she spoke with anyone. She had come home to find her things all opened and gone through, and with one day skipped school and a quick search, she found her things in her step-sister’s bedroom. She took it all from its hidden places and put it in the middle of their beds. She didn’t care about the items they stole, some clothes, some cheap fake jewelry, what truly mattered to her, she’d taken to New York with her. But Maya had wanted to make a point, let them know she knew – let them know had they just asked she’d have let them have any of it….she didn’t care any longer.
> 
> Maya still had no intentions on staying in Cortland and she had made that very clear to one person in particular. Joshua Matthews had quickly become her partner in crime as well as the other half in some undefined long distance relationship. They hadn’t put any labels on anything, neither had seen the need for it, they clearly both had feelings for one another. Josh had been making plans to go get Maya since the day he had to say good bye to her again. 
> 
> “One day I’m going to be there when you leave for school.” He told her over the phone with a smile. He was still lying in bed as she walked to school. “I’ll pull up, you can jump in and we’ll be off.” 
> 
> “Mmm, I better keep spare clothes in my backpack then, hmm?” She added with a laugh, the only time Maya laughed anymore was talking to someone from New York. Her grades hadn’t changed much since New York, but she was nowhere near as social as she’d been in the city. She still had no interest in making friends – and since she’d ran away, few people looked to her as a friend, more as a story to be told.
> 
> “Heh, didn’t think about that.”
> 
> “Shocker.” She teased. 
> 
> “Okay, well then we’ll go get everything from your house after they leave.”
> 
> “Always thinking, Matthews.” She smiled as she goaded him, it was how she treated those she cared for.
> 
> “What would you think if I did show up one day?”
> 
> “I’d think that you’d come to rescue me like the princess I never was.”
> 
> “That make me the prince?” He asked with a chuckle.
> 
> “Nope. Knight.”
> 
> “Don’t expect a white horse.”
> 
> “Never.” They continued with their banter until she was walking into her first class. “Alright, I’m nearly to Chem, don’t go back to sleep, you’ve got your Bio test today.”
> 
> **\- - - - - - - - - -**
> 
> Maya walked out of the school, her eyes going right to her phone as a message from Josh popped up. A small smile crept on her lips just from seeing his name on her phone. Fate was a cruel thing to bring him to her when she was so far away, but at least she had something with him. ‘Where you going?’ he asked. She typed back that she was heading home but as his next message came through her eyes went wide. ‘Look up.’ Her head shot up and her eyes darted around. He was leaning against the side of a silver Toyota, his eyes on her. 
> 
> Josh caught her as she rushed him, tears in her eyes as her arms flew around his neck and she clung to him. He leaned down, holding her close to him and just breathing her in. He hadn’t realized how much he’d missed her until she was in his arms. Her face buried in his neck as she let out a relieved and joyous cry. She didn’t think as she pulled back and pressed her lips to his. The entire world felt like it was spinning when Maya kissed him and he just held onto her to keep himself grounded.
> 
> Students gossiped to one another as they walked past the city girl making out openly with some strange guy in front of the school. Maya didn’t care what any of them said, all that mattered was that Josh was there. He had arranged his schedule to get four days with her; nothing pressing in a few classes and a friend who would record the lessons for him, not wanting to mention it to her in case he couldn’t work it out. He had been looking into Cortland and in turn the state park that it bordered. Mosquito Creek Lake didn’t have an appealing name, but it did have a campground so close to Cortland’s town center that Maya could walk to it in under 20 minutes from school.
> 
> Josh had driven directly to the school, not even stopping to set up the camp site, he’d been too excited to see Maya to wait any longer. There wasn’t an ounce of hesitation as she rode with him to the campsite instead of going home. Together they got the tent put up though their frequent stops anytime one got too close to the other to resist made it take much longer than it probably should have. 
> 
> It took Maya back to the time she spent with him in the dorm room when she’d taken off to New York. After that first kiss, something had clicked between them and whenever they had any time alone, they were attached to one another. Suddenly the three years age difference didn’t seem to matter anymore to either of them. Maya not being stuck to Riley at the hip or attending school but instead there with him on her own had let Josh see her in a different way, no longer a kid with a silly crush, now an interesting young woman he couldn’t get enough of.
> 
> **\- - - - - - - - - -**
> 
> “I have a friend visiting from New York; we’re going camping for the weekend.” Maya told her father as she headed out the door with a bag. 
> 
> “Wait, wait.” Kermit called after her. But she didn’t stop walking. “Maya!” he shouted this time and with a sigh she stopped in the front yard and looked back at him. “You can’t just walk out of here like that. You need to tell me where you will be, who with-”
> 
> But Maya cut him off. “Give it a break, Kermit.” She began. “You don’t just get to start being a parent; I can take care of myself.”
> 
> “You’ve got school Monday, you better be back here Sunday night before ten!” He called after her, his defeat nearly embarrassing as he closed the front door behind him at her wave of acknowledgement. 
> 
> “You just let her go?! What if she runs off again?” Jules snapped, coming from the kitchen where she’d been making dinner. Maya had come home late from school; she’d gone right down to pack and taken off without a word to anyone else in the house. “That girl is the most disrespectful child I’ve ever seen, you need to set some rules for that girl or I’m going to, Kermit. She’s a bad influence on Meg and Laney.” Kermit plopped onto the couch with a sigh, feeling like he couldn’t win no matter which way he turned.
> 
> Maya walked just out of sight of the house before she jumped into the car with Josh. As much as they talked about him taking her far away from this place, they both knew how bad that could end up for everyone. But a camping trip together, a few days just the two of them was better than the 600 miles of nothing they had before.
> 
> **\- - - - - - - - - -**
> 
> While Maya had spent the night with Josh before, there was something different about being completely on their own. No chance of a knock at the door, no chance someone would find her and take her back to her father. It held a very different feeling now for the both of them. The tent wasn’t too small, big enough for the full size air mattress and their bags inside. They had both mentioned getting something to eat but distractions kept them both from making any effort to go out and have dinner. 
> 
> The evenings were cool in spring but inside the tent the air was hot, heavy breathing between kissing for hours had them in a hot box. Josh’s mouth locked onto Maya’s tongues colliding as he laid beside her on the air mattress. Neither of them had talked about things going further, they hadn’t really discussed what they were to one another but they hadn’t been able to break away since they met back up. Maya pulled Josh closer, his knee resting between her legs as he pressed to her. His lips broke away as he took in a deep breath, looking down at her. Both faces were flushed and her chest rose and fell as she caught her breath as well. He moved in, pushing her hair away and kissing her neck. Maya’s head immediately tilted to the side and her eyes fell closed. His knee rubbed against her though her jeans and she instinctively pushed back against him. 
> 
> They kissed so long and so heavy their lips were swollen and numb, the tingles feeling like the kissing was still happening. They both lay beside one another catching their breath – both looking similar with the buttons undone on their jeans and both missing their t-shirts. Josh moved back in first, his mouth on her chest, kissing over her chest through the bra as his hand slid down into her jeans for the second time that night. This time Maya shifted some beneath him, wiggling herself free of the denim and laying before him in nothing but unmatched bra and panties. She whimpered and clawed against the back of his neck as his fingers moved inside the little cotton panties. While she’d fooled around before, an orgasm was something completely new and he was seconds from bringing her to one. 
> 
> Maya tilted her head enough to reach his neck, kissing and biting at his skin while her hands moved down his body. She pushed at his loose jeans, moving them down off his hips to around his knees. Her hand had been inside them once, rubbing at him over his boxers. She didn’t completely know what she was doing, but she wanted to make him feel as good as he was making her feel. She wanted him to know she wanted him. He was so hard his member jerked with the removal of his jeans. Her hand moved inside slowly, not wanting to do anything wrong as she wrapped her hand around him.
> 
> The first time Maya came she cried out and clutched onto Josh as her eyes rolled back. He kissed her to try and quiet her, not sure what neighboring campers would think or hear but he hadn’t needed to, they were alone in their area of the woods. She panted for air as she came down from a high she hadn’t known existed and looked to him with bright blue eyes. “Wow…” she breathed out, not taking her eyes off him. 
> 
> “Yeah…” He breathed out as well, having come as well only moments before she did. He turned to her, reaching to tuck her hair back from where it stuck with a glisten of sweat to her forehead. 
> 
> “Josh.” She began, swallowing hard as she reached to hold her hand over his near her face, wanting him to stay close to her. “I..I…” It was hard to get it out, words she didn’t fully understand but was sure she felt.
> 
> “I love you too.” He told her with a smile and a kiss, and Josh was sure he did, was sure that was what this was. What else could it be but love? Just liking someone didn’t feel like this did. She sighed in relief, he understood her, and he knew what she meant and how she truly felt when she looked at him. Despite how heavy things had just been, the confessions of love had seemed to give them new energy and they began to kiss again. Maya and Josh barely left the tent that weekend, continuing to stay wrapped up in one another, exploring bodies and feelings and letting lust and lack of rules take them over.
> 
> **\- - - - - - - - - -**
> 
> Josh had to go back on Tuesday, had to be back in time to study for a test on Friday morning so when Sunday night rolled around Maya made a choice. She would ignore her father’s rule, turn off her phone and skip school. She would spend another day with Josh before he had to leave and punishments be dammed. Nothing else mattered then but him. 
> 
> Knowing they were going to be apart again had given them a sense of urgency, a **_need_** for one another that was nearly primal. They skipped meals, only grabbing a granola bar and bottle of water that Josh had in the car and only left the tent the use the restroom. They fell into a trap of lust where sex and love went together and they spent hours in various stages of undress and various stages of foreplay. Sweat and hot air filled the tent so deeply that the scent didn’t even register with them. They’d talked about not going all the way, about waiting until they didn’t have to split apart so soon. But as time went on, that discussion slipped further and further away from them both.
> 
> It was the first time for both of them in the early morning hours on Monday, the sun hadn’t risen yet and had barely lasted three minutes. Josh was completely overwhelmed with the feeling of being inside her. Logic was gone by Monday afternoon, the fact that they used the only condom they had didn’t matter, the fact that in less than 24 hours he had to leave didn’t matter. The fact that Kermit had left 5 voicemails on Maya’s phone already didn’t matter. Nothing mattered but being together as much as possible, as close as possible. They had sex more times in that 24 hours than many people had in the first 2 months of a relationship. The knowledge that they really didn’t know the next time they’d be able to see one another again seemed to become a much bigger issue when talk of love and sex came into play. They both seemed to push aside any sense they may have had before and just clung to one another.
> 
> By Tuesday morning, they were both sweaty, naked, and wrapped around one another on a popped air mattress. They kissed between catching their breath, the upcoming ‘goodbye’ weighing on them both. “I love you so much.” She whispered against his mouth between kisses. 
> 
> “I love you, I love you. God, I love you.” He would mutter between returned kisses. They had gone from sleeping soundly, to waking to realize what day it was and moving together instantly. He was between her legs before either of them knew his body was ready to do it, as if it happened without thought. He moved slow, drawing out every moment with her, knowing soon he would have to drive away. Knowing soon he would have to let her go again. They focused on the love and sex so they didn’t have to think about the pain to come. Not understanding that the more they made love, the harder it was going to be for them to say goodbye, the harder it was going to be for them to have anything long-distance like they had before.


	4. Part Four

> After an extended goodbye on Tuesday Maya went on to school. When she got home she was met with the angriest look on Jules’ face she’d ever seen. The girls were peeking from the hall waiting to see Maya get in trouble and Kermit sat in the living room, staring her down. Maya thought immediately that she probably have snuck back in and bypassed all this. “Maya will you please sit.” Kermit started but Jules shot him a look immediately. 
> 
> Maya sighed, knowing there was no getting out of this one and she sat on the couch – furthest from the two of them as possible. She crossed her arms across her chest, just waiting to get it over with – an act that only made Jules look even more furious. “Maya I only asked one thing of you.”
> 
> But Jules wasn’t taking this as gently as Kermit was. “Alright, listen here little girl.” She snapped over her husband, a finger pointing at Maya. “We have been patient with you, we forgave your last disappearance but this is enough!” The girls snickered from the hall and it was the first time Maya ever saw Jules raise a voice to her own kids. “Go to your room!” She ordered the two girls, pointing down the hall and they scampered off. “You don’t get to just come and go as you please here. You want to be a part of this family then you need to start shaping up…or you can ship your little butt right on out.”
> 
> “ _JULES!_ ” Kermit snapped, he wasn’t going to have her telling Maya to go anywhere.
> 
> “No, Kermit.” She snapped back, fire in her eyes…she’d been holding onto this for a while. Maya just sat watching as if it were some kind of a show, not phased much by the woman’s words – she’d known for a while that Jules didn’t want her here. “You need to put your foot down and act like her father and stop tiptoeing around her just because you popped her once. She probably deserved a good smack!” Maya glared at her then and Jules turned on her quickly. “You don’t make the rules around here, this is my house Goddammit.”
> 
> “Jules.” Kermit put a hand on his wife’s arm, trying to calm her down. “Maya do you understand that we thought you took off again with whoever was in town to see you?”
> 
> “I told you where I was.” She began in her own defense. 
> 
> “And I told you to be home Sunday night. It’s Tuesday afternoon.”
> 
> “He was only here till today! I wasn’t going to miss the only time I get to see my – friend.” She caught herself quickly before the word ‘boyfriend’ slipped out.
> 
> “You mean to tell me you were out in the woods for four days with some boy?!” Kermit snapped, Maya leaning back a little as he raised his voice.
> 
> “I told you!” Jules jumped in almost triumphantly. “Becca told me she saw her with some boy, told you she’d heard other’s talking about her but no, not your little girl.” She mocked him. “She’s not a little girl Kermit, you don’t know what kind of influence you brought in here for our girls to see. You want Meg and Laney to start acting like her now? You want the town calling _our_ girls sluts next?”
> 
> “Screw you!” Maya snapped back, she’d had enough now. She couldn’t believe what she was hearing, rumors spread that fast that, that she was labeled a slut in this hick town after one weekend with a boy. And now her step mother was basically calling her one too. “You don’t even know me!” Jules’ hair whipped over her face as she turned to the foul mouthed girl in her home. “Newsflash, I DON’T want to be part of this family, I NEVER wanted to be part of your family. I don’t give a shit if you think I ran off, I wish I HAD left with him but I knew you’d just come get me again.” She snapped back, waving her hand towards Kermit. 
> 
> “No one is comin’ after you again you selfish, spoiled, little brat! You want to go live on the streets in that filthy city, then by all means go! One less ungrateful mouth to feed.”
> 
> “Spoiled?! SPOILED?!” Maya was on her feet now, screaming at them. “My mother and I lived hand to mouth because HE walked out on us. You don’t know ANYTHING about me! You all pull me out here to the middle of fucking nowhere, away from the only family I had left to what? What is it you wanted from me?!” She turned to Kermit then. “Did you think I’d start calling you daddy and be happy you finally wanted me!? I will never call anyone in this world daddy because I don’t know what that is, and I will NEVER be happy here with you.”
> 
> Jules watched Kermit’s face as the pain showed clear in his blue eyes and it only pushed her further. “Shut your mouth.” She said angrily to Maya. “Shut your mouth or I will shut it for you, you are not going to stand in my house and speak to us like that!”
> 
> “Shut it for me then!” Maya challenged.
> 
> “Enough!” Kermit yelled, finally getting to his feet. “Enough, both of you.” He sighed, he had no doubt that Jules would smack Maya, she’d been wanting to do it for a while, but he’d been able to calm things down – or so he thought.
> 
> “You don’t want to be here, then go. Pack your shit and get out of my house.” Jules said finally.
> 
> “Gladly.” Maya retorted storming down to the basement to pack what she’d want to take with her. As soon as she was in the basement, she was calling Josh. “Where are you?”
> 
> “What? I don’t know, about an hour outside of Manhattan, I think. Are you okay?” The sound in her voice concerning him.
> 
> “I just got kicked out of my house.”
> 
> “What?!” He snapped, immediately looking to the next exit to get off the highway and turn around. 
> 
> “Yeah! They kicked me out, told me to pack my shit. Oh! And apparently this whole town thinks I’m a slut. Can’t fucking believe this place, they make me come here, make me come back when I get out and then kick me out!” She was furious, but more than that she wished it had happened sooner so she would have been able to go back with Josh. “She actually called me spoiled!”
> 
> Had Josh not felt so strongly for Maya, not been in a place with the relationship where he would always take her side he may have reminded her that it was her dad and she should calm down and try to make it work. But that was not where Josh was so instead he told her that he was turning around and would be there in about five hours if she could hold out that long. “I’ll be there soon, okay? I love you.”
> 
> “I love you too.” She told him before she hung up. When she turned around Kermit was standing with his arms crossed watching her. “What?”
> 
> “Maya, this is not what I wanted for us.” She just glared at him. “I wanted this to be our second chance, I wanted to show you that I wouldn’t disappoint you again.”
> 
> “Stop.” She told him, rolling her eyes and turning around to start packing. “I don’t want to hear about anything you wanted. I’ll be gone tonight and we can give up this charade.”
> 
> “Maya…” He nearly pleaded
> 
> “No. Stop it. All that soft talk isn’t going to work on me like it works on everyone else. Last time you did this to me you finally told me the truth, and the truth was you made a choice to have a family that didn’t involve me, you made a choice to support a new family and not us. You gave up on me when I was three years old and I gave up on you a long time ago too. We’re not a family. We never have been.”
> 
> Kermit sighed looking sullen as he watched her begin to pack. As he started to walk away he was surprised to hear her. “Kermit?” She asked and he was almost hopeful that she’d changed her mind. “Are you going to come after me again?” And it hit him like a punch in the gut, he’d lost her long before this night.
> 
> “No.” he shook his head a bit and turned to walk back up the stairs.
> 
> **\- - - - - - - - - -**
> 
> When Kermit told Maya he wouldn’t go after her again, she was sure that was the end of it. By ten-thirty that night, Josh was back and they were loading up his borrowed car with her boxes and bags. Josh drove until he couldn’t see straight anymore and had to stop, he had to break out the emergency credit card to spend a night in a Motel 6 near the off ramp. By eleven the next morning they were back on the road. Maya was quizzing Josh for his World History test he was supposed to take on Friday as they took their time getting back. 
> 
> Maya took a deep breath as she looked up at the familiar bay window. “I never thought I’d be back, not really back.” She confessed, Josh took her hand and gave it a squeeze. “It’s the first thing in my life he did that was actually for me.” She let out an almost bitter laugh and Josh knew this situation wasn’t something Maya was likely to get over any time soon.
> 
> Josh held Maya’s hand until they were in the door, Topanga looking up, having been expecting her. “Peaches!” Riley shouted and nearly tackled her best friend to the ground with a hug knocking her away from Josh before their closeness was really noticed. It turned out Kermit had called Topanga the morning after Maya left, told her Maya was coming back to stay. He told her it wasn’t working out and asked her to send him the paperwork he needed to fill out to turn Maya over to herself and Cory. 
> 
> “Thank you for going to get her, Josh…we’ll pay you back for the trip.” Topanga assured her brother-in-law as they all sat around the table for dinner. Maya sat between Josh and Riley and realized then that none of them knew about her and Josh, none of them knew he’d been with her before he came back to get her. She stared at her peas, not sure how to react yet.
> 
> “It’s no problem, she needed help and my buddy has a car he never uses. You don’t need to pay me back for anything.”
> 
> “Maya, why didn’t you call me or Cory, we’d have gotten you a flight.” Topanga continued between bites. 
> 
> “I know,” Maya began. “I should have, I’m sorry if I put you out Josh.” She covered. “It was just a huge fight and I wasn’t really thinking about anything rationally. Just was upset and wanted out.” Topanga understood, expressing how she’d had some bad fights with her father when she was younger. 
> 
> Cory would get everything together for Maya to get back into school, Topanga and Riley would fix up Riley’s room to fit them both comfortably but for now it was just like when she’d slept over so many times. 
> 
> In cozy pajamas, lying in bed beside Riley, Maya smiled. “It’s good to be home.” She whispered and Riley turned over to face her.
> 
> “It’s good to have you home.” She told Maya with a wide smile. After a few moments of silence, listened throughout the house and hearing nothing, Riley spoke up softly. “Maya?”
> 
> “Hmm?”
> 
> “Why did you call Josh and not me?”
> 
> “You can’t drive.”
> 
> “Yeah, but really…why?” Maya looked over at Riley, giving it actual thought before she spoke.
> 
> “I love him, Ri.”
> 
> “Yeah you’ve been saying that for years. I mean, I know you all are better friends now since you stayed there but…” She hesitated, letting it all settle in. “Why did you stay there so long? Why did….” She gasped in and looked to Maya with wide eyes, Maya quickly covered Riley’s mouth as the squeal came. “You and Josh!” She tried to exclaim, but it came out muddled with Maya’s hand on her mouth.
> 
> “Shh, you’ll wake everyone up.”
> 
> “But, you. And Josh. You and Josh.” She whispered, but it was an excited whisper. 
> 
> “Yes…I think. Listen, I don’t know right now and I can’t talk to him about it with your parents around. He didn’t seem to want them to know.”
> 
> “What do you mean?” Riley asked, sitting up a little.
> 
> “Josh was already in Ohio,” Maya confessed, Riley’s eyes going wide. “Well I mean, he’d left and came back, but he was there, visiting me over the weekend. I stayed with him and didn’t go home that’s what started the fight that got me kicked out.” Riley listened intently, feeling as if she was listening to some intense young adult romance novel. “When I called, he turned around and came back to get me.”
> 
> “Wow…”
> 
> “But he didn’t tell them, he just said he didn’t mind to help. So I don’t think he wants anyone to know for some reason.” Maya had tried not to let it bother her, but now in the silent darkness, away from his eyes, she felt her true nature creeping up on her. She wasn’t destined for good things, she was abandoned at every turn, and there was no reason to think this was going to work out. “But…that’s why I called him.”
> 
> “I’m sure he just didn’t want them to think he was the reason for the fight, maybe didn’t want to feel like the cause of it himself. He wouldn’t have gone back to get you if he didn’t have feelings for you too.”
> 
> “I hope you’re right.” Maya said softly as she settled down in the bed. “C’mon, lay down I’m exhausted.” It was a lie, but she couldn’t take any more questions just then. She didn’t want to find herself poking more holes in what was by far the best weekend in her life.


	5. Part Five

> Maya laid beside Josh in his bed, she was quiet, and staring around the room as her thoughts ran through her mind like a fog of black smoke tainting everything good inside. She kept replaying a conversation in as many ways as it could go, how many ways her asking him about his not telling Cory and Topanga about them could go. How he could get mad, how he could be upset at her for questioning him. They were clearly okay together considering what had just happened to leave them both naked under the sheets, but she couldn’t get the questions out of her mind.
> 
> Josh looked over at her curiously, reaching to push her hair back. “Hey…you okay?”
> 
> “Hmm? Yeah I’m good, great.”
> 
> Josh had a choice in that moment, accept her words and let himself believe all was fine or question her further and possibly ruin a great afternoon with a fight if she didn’t want him to butt in. But something about her being so docile felt off to him, he liked that she was a spitfire, that she was opinionated and spoke her mind and didn’t want that to change. “Maya. Seriously, what’s up?” He sat up some, the sheet still covering his lower half and watched her as she sat up as well. 
> 
> “Um, well…” She swallowed, not feeling like herself, but not wanting to risk losing him either. “Why didn’t you tell them?” 
> 
> “Tell who what?” He asked a genuine confused expression his face.
> 
> “About us, Cory and Topanga.”
> 
> “Oh.” His face fell a little. He hadn’t thought about it at the time, it just didn’t feel right to tell anyone where he’d been. “I don’t know, just…didn’t.” Maya just nodded, not responding, but her eyes looked dull as she glanced towards the window. “Maya, I didn’t tell them because I don’t want them to know, I just…” His brow furrowed. “I love you, Maya, why does it matter who knows.” 
> 
> She put a smile on her face as she faced him. “I love you too.” She nodded, shifting on the bed to reach for her clothes. As she started to get dressed, Josh pulled on his boxers, feeling that something was off between them. Sitting on the side of the bed and pulling on her shoes Maya finally spoke up. She turned to look at him. “Are you embarrassed to be with me?” She asked bluntly. And while Josh got to see her come out of her shell, he didn’t like the way she was looking at him.
> 
> “How could you ask me that?!” He shot back, sitting up more and looking at her with furrowed brows. “I just sat here and told you I loved you and you think I’m embarrassed?”
> 
> “Why wouldn’t you tell them you were there? Why did you sit there acting like you’d just come because I called. It made me feel stupid sitting there thinking of some reason I didn’t call her.”
> 
> “Have you really been holding this in for a week? Why didn’t _you_ say something to them? You weren’t speaking up either.” And that part she hadn’t expected. 
> 
> “I- I didn’t say anything because you didn’t!” She snapped back. “You told them you knew a guy with a car and didn’t mind. You didn’t tell them you were on your way back.”
> 
> “Do you really want them to know what happened that weekend? Do you want me to sit there and tell my brother and the whole damn family I lost my virginity with their daughter’s best friend in the woods? What did you want me to say Maya?!” He didn’t raise his voice often so it took Maya by surprise, but so did what he said. 
> 
> “You…you hadn’t ever…?” She looked at him shocked, it had all been so perfect to her, he seemed to know what he was doing, had so much confidence. 
> 
> Josh’s face went red when he realized that she’d had no idea he was a virgin, they hadn’t mentioned it before, just talked about waiting. “No.” He told her, voice much softer now. “You’re my first.” And as he watched her face change he looked embarrassed. “Stop grinning at me like that!”
> 
> “I’m sorry! I can’t help it, I didn’t know, it’s kind of…nice though, I mean…that we both lost it together.” She didn’t even care if it sounded weird to say out loud, she just smiled at him. “I’m glad it was you.” She told him after a moment’s silence. 
> 
> The tension around them seemed to have faded and he scooted a little closer to her. “I’m glad it was you too.” He told her in return, smiling a little, though his cheeks and ears were still quite red. The way they moved together was fluid, lips finding one another in sweet almost apologetic kisses. 
> 
> After long kisses, Josh pulled back. “Do you really want me to tell them?” He asked softly. 
> 
> “Well not about what we did.” She scoffed, nearly laughing. “ _Never_ about what we did. But…I don’t like lying to them, they’re my family too you know?” She told him, shrugging a little but he understood. 
> 
> “Well…how about…” he paused, kissing her neck a few times. “I just come to pick you up for a proper date, it’s about time I took you on one.”
> 
> **\- - - - - - - - - -**
> 
> “My brotha!” Cory called out when he let Josh inside, hugging him. “What’s happening little man? You looking for a home cooked meal?” he teased his college student brother.
> 
> Josh laughed nervously. “Heh, uh not tonight. I’m actually here to um, to pick up Maya.”
> 
> “Maya?” Cory turned from his walk towards the kitchen.
> 
> “Yeah?” Maya asked as she stepped out of the hall in a knee length dress and three inch heels. Her hair was done in curls and she’d spent twenty minutes trying to get her makeup just right.
> 
> “Wow.” Josh muttered, seeing her all dressed up like this was definitely new. “You look amazing.” And he couldn’t take his eyes off her in the sparkling dress she wore.
> 
> Cory looked back and forth between them and his eyes went wide. “TOPANGA!” he called out with a hint of panic in his voice.
> 
> “What?” She asked as she started out. “Wow, Maya you look really nice, are you going-?” And then she saw Josh. “out?”
> 
> “Yeah, Josh and I are going to go out…if that’s okay?” She asked, knowing she was going anyway but trying to show them respect.
> 
> “Is that okay?” Cory asked Topanga, looking baffled by it all. 
> 
> “Um,” Topanga – put on the spot – didn’t know what to say, she couldn’t say no, but was this actually happening. Sure Maya had a crush on Josh for years, but he was so much older than she was. “Yeah” she nodded a little, “yeah that’s okay.” 
> 
> “It is?” Cory asked.
> 
> “It is.” Topanga confirmed. “It’s Friday night, Josh is very responsible.” She gave Josh a knowing smile and then turned to Maya. “Home by 11.”
> 
> Maya looked back at the closed door as they stepped out. “Did that feel…?”
> 
> “Awkward?”
> 
> “Yeah.” She turned to Josh. “Do you think they’re going to be weird about this?”
> 
> “I think something would be wrong if Cory wasn’t weird about this.” Josh replied with a chuckle. “You’re like their kid and I’m their brother, it’s…probably kind of incestual to them.”
> 
> Maya turned up her nose and smacked his chest. “Gross! Don’t say it like that!” Josh only laughed and took her hand.
> 
> **\- - - - - - - - - -**
> 
> Cory sat in Josh’s dorm room with him, Josh on the side of the bed and Cory at the desk. “How did you manage to get a single room?” Cory asked with a laugh. 
> 
> “Oh I didn’t, but my roommate moved in with his girlfriend three weeks into the year.” Josh chuckled. “It’s nice though, more space to myself.” It was another ten minutes of small talk before Josh finally spoke up. “So, what’s up, Cor, why’d you come by.”
> 
> “Well,” Cory began, scratching at the back of his head. “I want to talk to you about Maya.”
> 
> “Oh.” Josh had known it was coming eventually, but after two weeks with not even a text he thought maybe Maya got the brunt of it at home and he was going to get off easy. “What about her?”
> 
> “You’ve been telling that girl she’s too young for you for a long time.” Josh just looked at his older brother, waiting for more. “Your age hasn’t changed.”
> 
> “I know, but, Maya changed.” Josh told him. “She’s grown up, probably more than I have.” He admitted with a laugh. Cory couldn’t deny that fact, Maya had grown a lot in the last year, between losing her mother and the events with her father Maya could have gone the other way, she could have embraced her delinquent side but instead she found maturity and adulthood. Of course Cory wished she hadn’t needed to grow up so soon, he knew between the two, it was the better option. 
> 
> “So, how long has it really been going on?” Josh’s expression made Cory chuckle. “You didn’t think we believed you drove half way across the country to get her and then randomly a few weeks later decided to take her out did you?” Josh went a little red. “Yeah, that’s what I thought.”
> 
> “We’ve been talking for a long time, when she was crashing here we got to know one another more and then we just kept talking after she went back to Ohio. It just kinda…happened.” Josh shrugged, but he was smiling. His mind went to the night in the tent, but he wasn’t going to dare share that one with his big brother. 
> 
> “Josh, you need to be careful okay? She’s only sixteen, she’s in high school…you’re in college, they’re two very different worlds.” 
> 
> Josh nodded, “yeah I know, it was my reasons against it before. But it doesn’t matter anymore.” Cory’s brow rose slightly and Josh opened up even more. “I love her, Cor. I didn’t think it was ever going to end up this way, but I do.”
> 
> “Josh, you’re only-”
> 
> “Nineteen, I know. But…you’ve been in love with Topanga all your life. It’s not _that_ weird is it?”
> 
> “Well, I guess not. But you know it’s not the same thing.” Cory sighed a little, he loved his life, he had actually had it all work out, but he and Topanga had their problems along the way, they were lucky to have all they did. “I can’t imagine having been three years apart, being in college with Topanga still in high school. Don’t get me wrong here, if this is what truly makes you both happy we’ll support it, but you know this isn’t going to be easy, don’t you?”
> 
> “I’m dating Maya, Cor, I’m clearly not looking for easy.” They both chuckled a little, but Cory still had his worries where the two were concerned. More for Maya than for Josh – she’d been through enough this year, she didn’t need more stress and pain…not to mention Riley wanted to do anything Maya did and he did not want his sweet and innocent little girl dating someone in college as well. 


	6. Part Six

> Maya wasn’t the type of girl who was shy or afraid of things, especially something she was comfortable with. Because her relationship with Josh was so stable and they were doing well for the first three months, Maya didn’t have any problems with anyone – especially some stranger behind a store counter – knowing she was having sex. Her friends on the other hand, she didn’t want to tell them. She had kept that choice detail from all of them when the topic of her and Josh came up. They didn’t need to know and Maya didn’t want to hear what some of them would have to say – Riley especially. So when the time came to buy condoms, Maya didn’t always leave it to Josh, she was fine to go buy them herself.
> 
> What Maya didn’t expect was Riley seeing her go into the drug store and crossing the street to go in after her. Maya walked directly to the condom isle, skimming over them with her eyes for a second before choosing a box. As she turned on her heel to head to the counter she walked right into Riley. Maya gasped and the box fell to the floor. Both of them looked down at the box marked Trojan with wide eyes for very different reasons. “Maya!” Riley snapped at her in a loud whisper. 
> 
> Maya took in a deep breath and let it out slowly. She gave a little nod for herself, standing tall. She was an amazon warrior, she wasn’t going to be scared of judgement, she wasn’t. But as she met the look in Riley’s eyes she could feel herself wavering. Maya bent to pick up the box and met her best friend’s eyes once more. “It’s not a big deal, Riley.” She said, keeping her composure as she stepped around her to head towards the register. 
> 
> Riley grabbed hold of Maya’s arm and pulled her back into the isle. “It IS a big deal! Why are you buying those?!” Still a whisper, nearly frantic as she looked around, feeling like she was being watched. “Are you thinking about doing… _it_?”
> 
> It took everything in Maya not to laugh and pat Riley on the head, but she held her head high and took a step back from Riley. “Riles…” She swallowed hard, she hated to lie, but she couldn’t have Riley getting all wound up right here in the store. “Yes, I’m thinking about it and just want to be prepared if it ever happens, okay? It’s right to be safe just in case right?” 
> 
> Riley’s brow furrowed some and she bit at her lip, trying to think of an argument against it, but if she were honest she couldn’t think of one. “Yeah, I guess.” Riley walked behind Maya the whole way, shocked at how easy it was for Maya to just come into the store and buy something like that. Maya wasn’t even blushing but Riley – who wasn’t making the purchase, was indeed. As they walked out Riley kept thinking about it, how she wouldn’t have the courage, felt weird just being in the same isle as the condoms. Sex was terrifying, she’d barely gotten past first base herself. But as she looked over to Maya while they walked she stopped. “Maya?” She called, to the blonde. Maya had only gotten two steps ahead but turned back around to her. “You already did it, didn’t you?”
> 
> Maya’s expression alone gave it away but she nodded as well. Riley blinked a few times, feeling stunned. Her best friend…and her uncle…had sex. Sex. They weren’t married, they’d only been together a few months, but they’d done it anyway. “Are you okay?” Maya asked her softly, feeling far older than Riley in that moment. 
> 
> “Why’d you do it?” Riley asked softly, feeling embarrassed just talking about it.
> 
> “We love each other.” Maya told her. They moved to sit on the steps of the next building and Maya looked to her best friend with a smile.
> 
> “What…what’s it like?” Riley asked timidly and as Maya opened her mouth Riley spoke again quickly. “No wait! I don’t want to know.” 
> 
> “Okay…” Maya muttered, watching Riley, sure her mind would change again. 
> 
> “Well…I mean, that’s my uncle, that’s weird of me to ask, right?”
> 
> “You can ask me anything, Riles.” Maya told her softly, but Riley shook her head and stood up. 
> 
> “No, no, I don’t want to know.” Riley said again and began to walk, Maya a step behind, not really believing her.
> 
> By this point the bedroom situation had been figured out so each girl had her own twin size bed, but they still pushed them next to each other so they could talk softly in the night like when they would share. They shared the desk and closet along with everything inside. It was easy for them to share, they’d always done it. Riley looked across the bed to Maya and feeling eyes on her, Maya opened hers to see her best friend staring back. “What’s it like?” Riley asked in a whisper.
> 
> “It’s nice.” Maya began softly, but Riley looked on expectantly and Maya smiled. “We didn’t just…do it, you know? There’s other stuff first, and we talked a lot, like nice things to one another, how much we love each other and how we feel and stuff. It feels weird the first time, not a bad weird, but…not like anything I’ve ever felt.” Riley listened intently, forgetting that it had happened with her uncle, forgetting everything but her best friend having taken a step into adulthood that she hadn’t even imagined yet. 
> 
> “Does it hurt?” Riley asked softly and Maya could see that she was focused on that, having heard it in some teen magazine once ages ago. 
> 
> “Not exactly hurt. It’s like…pressure at first, but then it feels good. Just get used to it. But I wasn’t nervous, I think if you’re scared of it then it might hurt, but…I wasn’t scared, I knew he wouldn’t hurt me.” Maya continued. “It’s kind of messy, and you bleed the first time, but…it wasn’t gross or weird.” She added on quickly in response to the scrunched face Riley made. 
> 
> “What…other stuff?” Riley asked timidly. Maya’s brow rose. “You said you did other stuff too…what other stuff?”
> 
> “Oh, like…fooling around, you know touching and stuff.” She replied, not really thinking about Riley not doing that yet. 
> 
> “I’ve never…” Riley began. “I mean I know when he gets all hard in his pants, but I’ve never you know…touched it.” Riley admitted, her face red in the darkness. “I’ve never even seen one.”
> 
> “Really? Haven’t you ever just been curious?” Maya asked, sitting up a little. Riley just shrugged. “You could Google it you know. It’s not like you have to go to some filthy website. Just Google image search the word penis.” Maya told her, holding out her own phone with a hint of a snicker.
> 
> “No!” Riley gasped out. “Don’t do that, someone will see it!”
> 
> “Who is going to see it? You think the phone bill lists everything you google? I assure you it doesn’t.”
> 
> “How do you know?” 
> 
> “Because if it did your parents would have set me down for a long talk a long time ago.” Maya replied with a smirk.
> 
> “What do you Google?” Riley asked, shocked.
> 
> “Everything.” Maya chuckled softly, laying back down. “Really though, I’ve googled birth control and sex stuff, I’ve googled about what boys like and stuff like that. I mean it’s not that big of a deal, it’s just information you know?”
> 
> “So…have you done…everything?” Riley asked softly.
> 
> “What’s _everything_?”
> 
> “Like…touched it?”
> 
> “Yes, I’ve touched it.”
> 
> “Have you ever…you know…in your mouth?” Riley found it hard to even say blow job and Maya couldn’t hold back her amusement. 
> 
> “I’m sorry.” She whispered at Riley’s glare. “Yes, I’ve given head.”
> 
> “Is it gross?”
> 
> Maya shook her head. “No, not really. I mean it doesn’t taste great or anything, but it’s not disgusting. Guys like it, a lot. But it’s not something I do all the time or anything, we use our hands more often.” Maya looked to her curious best friend and was honest to a fault and with a shrug she continued. “Truthfully, I don’t think I’m very good at it anyway. I don’t really feel like I know what I’m doing.” 
> 
> Knowing that even though she was now a lot more experienced, Maya didn’t seem to always know what she was doing made Riley feel a little better about not knowing what she was doing at all. The only problem would be that Riley wouldn’t be able to stop thinking about it in comparison to her own relationship. She’d always done everything with Maya, they’d taken all the same steps together, even had a joint first date but knowing there were some things that weren’t going to happen with the safety of her best friend felt lonely in a way. She was on her own with this one.
> 
> **\- - - - - - - - - -**
> 
> On a very special Sunday morning in May as the sun had just begun to rise and Maya was already heading to Greenwich Hall, Josh’s dorm. Maya had been doing better than most to the outside world, she had seemed to accept her mother’s sudden death and was more upset with her father taking her away. Maya had cried many tears for her mother but she’d never fully let herself accept that she was gone. Having lived with a busy mother – half a mother – her whole life, she told herself that she was fine, it wouldn’t so different that she’d not be able to handle it.
> 
> However, it had been pushing her more and more the longer she lived with Topanga, the mother of all mothers. It wasn’t fair – it had never been fair – that Maya got nothing while Riley had Topanga. She found herself feeling angry with her mother for leaving her, for crying alone and cursing her mother in silence. She began to resent Topanga as well. But being so thankful to be there and not in Ohio she kept it to herself. But today, today of all days, Maya was not going to be able to control herself. 
> 
> Mother’s Day.
> 
> The day to honor your mother, spend all day with her, have a day filled with appreciation and love for your mother.
> 
> The day Maya had been dreading.
> 
> Riley had been planning a day for Topanga for a while, she’d be cooking and catering, she was going to do Topanga’s nails and give her a spa day at home. She was going to give her a present she’d been working on with Auggie and Maya wanted nothing to do with any of it. She hadn’t even left a note, just climbed out the window and took off. 
> 
> It wasn‘t long before Maya was curled up against Josh, sobbing into his t-shirt. She asked questions to the universe that Josh would never be able to answer. Why had her mother left her? Why had she never had what everyone else had? Why was it so hard for her to let go? Why was she destined for so much pain? Why? Why? Why? Josh just held Maya close, stroking her hair and bringing her a roll of toilet paper in lieu of tissues. He knew he could never make this better. It was solid two hours of sobbing before Maya fell asleep. The morning was just beginning for most but she had already been through so much. 
> 
> When her cell began to chime he grabbed it quickly, not wanting to wake her. “Hello?” He asked in a low voice.
> 
> “Josh?” Topanga asked, surprised. “Josh, is Maya with you?” Her voice was sharper now.
> 
> “Yeah, she is.” He said, looking back over his shoulder to his sleeping girlfriend. 
> 
> He could hear Topanga telling someone else Maya was with Josh and then she focused back on him. “What is she doing there? Have you two been together all night?! Josh this is really inappropriate.” 
> 
> “Topanga, stop.” He muttered, stepping out into the hall so he didn’t wake Maya.
> 
> “Give her the phone Josh.” Topanga snapped, and Josh let out a sigh as she began to get even more upset that he’d told her to stop. 
> 
> “I can’t, she’s sleeping.” He continued before she could get the wrong idea. “Wait, wait, listen. She got here a few hours ago, she hasn’t been here all night.” Not that it mattered he thought. Topanga knew Maya had spent a week with him, but supposed things were different now that they were a couple.
> 
> “What is going on?” Topanga was getting angry now.
> 
> “Topanga.” He began, sighing. “It’s _Mother’s_ Day.” And the phone went silent on the other end, he knew then that she understood. 
> 
> “Oh god.” She finally breathed out. “Is she okay?”
> 
> “Not really.” Josh replied honestly. “She just fell asleep a little while ago, she’s been crying for hours.” He peeked back in through the cracked door to make sure she was still out. 
> 
> “Okay…I’ll come over later to get her.”
> 
> “Don’t.” He told her as his eyes rested on Maya. “Please. Don’t. She doesn’t want to see you today, that’s why she left this morning. She needs a… mom-free space right now, I think.”
> 
> “Aren’t you going to Philadelphia today?”
> 
> Josh took in a breath, the choice was too easy. “Nah, I’m just going to call.” He replied, knowing he wasn’t going anywhere today.
> 
> When Maya woke a couple hours later her eyes burned and her throat was sore. She rubbed her face and buried it back against Josh once more. He had hardly left his room, not wanting to leave her alone when she seemed to need him the most. He wanted so much to be able to take care of her, to make her happy and see her smile again. He hadn’t realized until that day just how internally broken Maya truly was. He’d never seen her cry like this before, never seen her be anything but strong and defiant. 
> 
> Just before the subway steps Maya stopped in her tracks, her hand in Josh’s, pulling him back to her when he tried to keep walking. It was almost curfew and he’d been taking her home but she’d been dragging her feet since they left the dorm room. “I don’t want to go back.” She told him something he’d guessed already. He moved in close, wrapping his arms around her and holding her close to him as people just parted to walk around them. 
> 
> “I know, I don’t want you to either, but you know you have to.” He told her, knowing his brother wasn’t going to let her stay with him now that he knew they were seeing one another. “What if I go too? I’ll sleep on the couch.” She looked up, her eyes big. Josh and Maya headed back to the apartment and once inside, Josh and Maya made themselves comfortable on the couch and talked softly. They had tried their best to make it easier for Maya to come back, putting all the mother’s day gifts away in Cory and Topanga’s room, they didn’t mention why she’d been gone all day.
> 
> Cory came to sit with her, trying to see if she was okay, but she didn’t want to talk about it. As Maya and Josh sat together on the couch Topanga pulled Cory into the bedroom to talk privately. “She needs to go talk to someone, we should have done it sooner.” They agreed that Maya would need to speak with a psychiatrist about the loss of her mother, Topanga instantly doing research on her laptop about the best in the field for children who lost a parent. 
> 
> The two stayed locked away discussing the right person for the job, reading reviews together and discussing office locations while Maya and Josh shifted together on the couch to lay down. Josh laid behind Maya as he’d done many times already that day. His arm draped over her middle and found her hand, slipping his fingers between hers as she held onto his arm. “It’s going to be okay. I love you.” He whispered against her hair before pressing a kiss there, neither of them noticing that Riley was standing in the hall watching curiously.
> 
> **\- - - - - - - - - -**
> 
> “Why do I have to do this?” Maya asked Topanga as they sat in the psychiatrist’s waiting room together. Maya sat with her arms crossed over her chest, half pouting, clearly not wanting to be there.
> 
> “Sweetheart, I should be apologizing to you for not bringing you sooner. You should talk to someone about losing your mom. I really think it will help if you just talk about how you’re feeling.”
> 
> “I don’t need to talk to anyone, I’m okay. I just had a bad day.” Maya protested, brows furrowed as she looked to Topanga. 
> 
> “Maya, listen to me.” She moved in close, taking the young blonde’s hand. “You are still my amazon warrior, getting a little help and talking to someone doesn’t make you anything less.”
> 
> Doctor Embry’s door opened and a round faced woman around 40 came to the door, she wore a nice pant suit and smiled as she looked out to Maya and Topanga. “Maya? You can both come in now.” She stepped back inside, holding open the door to let them both in. “Have a seat.” She motioned to the couch across from her arm chair. Topanga sat with Maya at her side nervously picking at a hole in her jeans. “Maya, I understand that you lost your mother last summer.” Maya just nodded, her eyes focused on her jeans. 
> 
> Topanga’s hand went to Maya’s back and rubbed softly. “Yes, Maya’s mother passed away suddenly last summer, things have been a little hectic since then.”
> 
> “And you’re her guardian, Mrs. Matthews?” Doctor Embry asked. Topanga confirmed. “I’d like to speak with Maya alone for a bit and then I’m going to call you back in.” 
> 
> Maya’s head shot up then and Topanga leaned in and kissed the top of her head as she stood. “It’s okay, I’m right in the waiting room.” Maya didn’t like feeling nervous, but she felt like she was going to be judged by this doctor, and it would somehow show all over her face that she was crazy because she needed to see a shrink. 
> 
> Doctor Embry looked over at Maya, watching her body language closely. After a long silence, Dr. Embry spoke up. “Maya?” And she looked up but didn’t raise her head much. “We don’t have to talk about your mom right now, we can talk about anything you’d like. We can talk about the Matthews, or school. Or why you think they wanted you to come talk to me when you didn’t want to?”
> 
> Maya swallowed hard and shrugged. “I just had a bad day.” And as Dr. Embry continued to look at her she took in a deep breath and continued. “It was mother’s day and I didn’t want to be home for all that so I went to hang out with my boyfriend and I cried some. It wasn’t a big deal. I’m fine.” She told her doctor, arms crossing over her chest. 
> 
> “Well, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with you crying on mother’s day. Had to be a hard day for you. It was good of your boyfriend to be there for you.” Maya just shrugged. “Want to tell me about him?”
> 
> “No.” Maya answered simply. She didn’t know this woman, and she didn’t want her getting into the personal details of her life.
> 
> “Maya?” She began softly once more. “Do you consider yourself happy?”
> 
> Maya’s brow furrowed a little as she looked up. “I dunno.” She said.
> 
> “I heard you ran away last year.” Maya huffed a little at that one. How much had Topanga already told this woman?! “I heard you were really unhappy with your living situation and made your way across a few states alone.” Another shrug. “Do you still feel that way? Like running away?” Maya chewed at the inside of her cheek for a second and shrugged. “Can you tell me why you ran away before? I know what Mrs. Matthews said, but I’d really like to hear it from you.”
> 
> “Kermit came after mom died and made me go with him.”
> 
> “Kermit?”
> 
> “My dad.” Maya replied in a monotone voice. “Topanga tried to keep me with her, but he took her to court to make me go home with him.” Maya had no idea how much the bitterness showed in her voice. “I didn’t want to go. So I left.” 
> 
> “Were you scared travelling that far alone?” Maya shook her head. “I think I would have been at your age.” Maya didn’t give her much response to that one. “Where did you go when you ran away? Where did you sleep and eat?”
> 
> “I went into Riley’s bedroom window after the Matthews had gone to bed and slept with her. Snuck back in after they left to eat. Or I went to Josh’s dorm room and hung out at NYU.”
> 
> “Josh?”
> 
> “My boyfriend.”
> 
> “Oh, I see. Is he part of the reason you wanted to stay in New York.” 
> 
> Maya eyed her a little. “No.” She said sharply. “We weren’t together then.”
> 
> “Hmm. You never did answer me before. Do you ever still feel like running away?”
> 
> “I don’t know, maybe?” Maya shrugged a little. “I don’t _want_ to. I’m where I want to be, but sometimes it pops into my head I guess.”
> 
> “Well sometimes when we’re unhappy with something that we’re having trouble facing, we put that feeling on another aspect of our life. Do you think it’s possible you’re feeling that way?” Maya shrugged. “What do you like to do outside of school? Any hobbies?”
> 
> Maya shrugged again, still feeling weird sitting here talking to this woman about her life. “Not really.”
> 
> “What do you do in your free time?” Maya shrugged again. “Spend time with Riley? Or maybe Josh?” She asked, watching Maya’s reactions and knowing that Maya’s free time went to her boyfriend. “So you knew Josh before you got together, did he go to your school?” Head shake. “How’d you meet?” 
> 
> “He’s Riley’s uncle.”
> 
> “Uncle?” Doctor Embry hesitated for a second and Maya could see it in her eyes. 
> 
> “He’s 19.” And the doctor looked relieved for a moment, but didn’t address it verbally. 
> 
> “I see. That’s quite an age difference, does it make it hard that he’s in college.”
> 
> “No. Can we talk about something else?” Maya blurted out. Josh was the best thing in her life, she didn’t want to share that with this woman and she’d said as much before. 
> 
> “Of course. Think you’re ready to talk a little about your mom?” 
> 
> Maya’s eyes went a little dull and her voice monotone. “She’s dead. She’s not coming back. Nothing else to talk about.”
> 
> “I think there might be a little more to talk about.”
> 
> “You know how you asked me if I ever feel like running away again? Well you’re making me feel like leaving right now.”
> 
> “I’m sorry you feel that way, Maya, that’s not my intention at all. I just want to know how you’re feeling and help you get it out. See, I believe that all the bad things you feel and hold in just bundle together until you have a big ball of anger inside you festering and making you feel miserable. And if you can get it out then the ball gets a little smaller and it can’t eat at you any longer.”
> 
> Maya’s brow rose some, eyeing the woman cynically. And then she scoffed. “You’re kidding right? You think if I sit here and open up to a stranger about being upset I lost my mom I’ll get that out and it won’t bother me anymore? That’s the biggest load of bullshit I’ve ever heard. Talking about something doesn’t take away anything bad in your life. My mother will still be gone, she’ll be gone for everything that happens to me in my life and every time she misses something, every time I need her and she’s gone I’m going to feel it all again and again.” Maya stood as she spoke and went to the door, pulling it open roughly. “I want to go.” She told Topanga, walking right out of the lobby and into the hall. 
> 
> Topanga stood, bewildered and stepped into the office with an inquisitive look. “I know that looked bad but, honestly, it’s going as expected.” Doctor Embry began. “Maya is a very angry and sad girl who has spent a long time holding things in. I think with some work she’ll be okay and I’d like to see her weekly.”


	7. Part Seven

> Maya’s first day back to Dr. Embry she sat in silence for the entire hour, challenging the doctor. She couldn’t make Maya like her or make her talk and Maya was going to prove it to her. But Dr. Embry wasn’t going to give up on her. The following week was the same, but the week after she sat at her desk and left Maya on the couch with a pack of drawing pencils and a pad of paper. “Okay Maya, you don’t have to talk to me, all you have to do is draw. Anything you want or feel just put it on the paper.” Maya was suspicious and sat staring at the paper for a long time, not sure she should. 
> 
> Maya hadn’t drawn anything since her mother passed away, Josh had brought back all her art supplies from Ohio but she still never opened the box, just shoved it into the back of the closet. She chewed on the inside of her lip as she pulled a pencil from the box. She rolled it between her fingers for a second and felt a pull in her middle, like she was somehow being drawn to the paper like a magnet. She reached for it, touching the thick page and glancing up to see if she was being watched but Dr. Embry was looking down at her papers.
> 
> Maya curled up in the corner of the couch and began to sketch. Not a word was spoken between the two but Dr. Embry felt like she was making some progress, having heard about Maya’s lack of art work recently. She made some notes and glanced over inconspicuously a few times. After a half an hour she stood, moving over and sitting on the couch this time. “May I see it?” Maya looked down at the image and then to the doctor a few times and shrugged, handing over the pad of paper. She had begun a simple sketch of Josh smiling at her, his kind eyes so realistically drawn it would feel like he was truly smiling at you. “You are a very talented young woman.” Dr. Embry told her softly, handing the paper back to her. Maya was expecting her to say more about it, but she didn’t say all she was thinking. “Maya I’d like you to do a little assignment for me before our next visit.”
> 
> “Homework?” Maya asked with a scoff.
> 
> “Kind of, but I’m hoping you’ll enjoy it.” She continued. “I want you to take this pad of paper and pencils home with you and I want you to draw at least one picture a day, you can do more if you like. And just bring it back and let me see them next Wednesday.” 
> 
> “Okay…” Maya was suspicious again, but she took the paper and pencils and shoved them into her backpack still not sure she would actually do this assignment.
> 
> **\- - - - - - - - - -**
> 
> It had only taken that first moment for Maya with a pencil and paper to fall back into her old pattern, to find the release that art had always given her, pouring her soul onto the pages, filling them throughout the week…
> 
> She sat cross-legged on the floor after dinner. Josh and Auggie were playing a very intense game of go-fish at the coffee table. He usually came over for dinner at least once a week now that he was so close by. Her eyes never left Josh, but her pencil moved across the page. She sketched the smirk on his face, sketched him and Auggie both with Riley sitting behind her uncle watching the game. She loved this family so much and it showed in her art.
> 
> She focused in on his hand as he wrote, both doing their homework on the floor of the dorm room, Maya closed her Algebra book and reached for the sketch pad, her hand drawing his hand as she smiled a little. He asked what she was doing and she shrugged and replied ‘homework’.
> 
> Saturday, the day Maya got to spend the most time with Josh, she arrived in the morning – a key to his dorm in her hand. She dropped her bag on the floor and toed off her shoes and tugged off her jeans. She slipped into bed beside him in her t-shirt. He smiled, eyes opening slowly and pulled the blankets up over them both as he pulled her in close. “Morning gorgeous.” He said softly as he snuggled against her in nothing but boxers. 
> 
> “Morning.” She replied as she turned in the bed to face him, nose to nose in the small space. He leaned in to kiss her once, then twice. The kisses grew deeper as they pressed together. She hooked a knee over him and shifted them both. He rolled to his back, keeping her close and she straddled his hips. She leaned down, her hair falling around them both as she kissed him. 
> 
> Josh took hold of the bottom of her shirt, pulling it up as she rose away from him. Maya’s arms rose, letting him pull the shirt off her and toss it to the floor. It had become normal for Maya to show up on a Saturday morning, not getting to see one another as much during the week due to school and curfews so Saturday was their day. Maya’s hips rolled against his as she kissed him deeply. In a mess of tangled legs and roaming hands they were both naked in minutes. 
> 
> He’d rolled her over, resting between her legs as she caught her breath from the way his hands worked over her body. But she wasn’t ready to be done, hooking her leg over his and pushing him against her she tilted her chin to kiss his neck. She parted her lips slightly as she let her teeth drag near his earlobe and smirked as he moaned and held her tighter. “Hang on.” He muttered, reaching towards the top drawer of the desk next to his bed that worked as half nightstand. He fumbled blindly for the condom at it while Maya kissed and bit at his neck.
> 
> After, with the TV on low and the room quiet, Maya smiled and closed her eyes. This was her favorite place to be in the world. With eyes closed she thought to her favorite sight, Josh above her, looking down on her with love and passion. He would lean in to kiss her as they made love, he would let his lips trail over her jaw and neck. When she opened them again, she looked over to see him sleeping beside her and both images became the next sketches in her book.
> 
> On her way to Dr. Embry’s office the following Wednesday, Maya realized that she would want to see the sketches she’d done. She stopped in the hall outside the lobby, ripping out the two sketches from Saturday and folding them carefully and hiding them away in her bag. There was no way _anyone_ was seeing those.
> 
> Once inside Maya sat quietly as Dr. Embry flipped the pages in her sketchbook, looking through the images. “Hmm” She hummed a little to herself, causing Maya’s eyebrow to shoot up.
> 
> “What?”
> 
> “What happened here?” She asked, her fingers pointing to what was left of the ripped out pages in the spiral binding. 
> 
> Maya eyed the paper and shrugged. “Wasn’t any good.” She lied. But there were always tells when someone lied and Dr. Embry knew but chose not to question it further.
> 
> “You have a pretty clear muse. Josh I assume?” She asked, every sketch having him in it somewhere. Maya just shrugged she didn’t really notice that they were all Josh, just knew there were a few of him. “I understand how important Josh is to you, but a person needs more in their life than a significant other. I’d really like to see more in the book than just Josh next week.” Maya rolled her eyes slightly, but it didn’t go unnoticed. “Do you draw what you see or can you draw anything?”
> 
> “I don’t know.” Maya muttered. 
> 
> “I’d love to see a self-portrait.”
> 
> “I’m in one of those.” Maya muttered as she pointed to the book in her doctor’s hand. 
> 
> Dr. Embry handed her the book back. “Oh I saw and it’s lovely. But I don’t mean a self-portrait of you right now. I mean one of you in ten years. In your mid-twenties. I want to see what you see for yourself in the future. What do you dream Maya? What do you want for your life?” Doctor Embry felt that going forward was going to be the only way to get Maya to go backwards and talk about what was truly hurting her. Maya went more quiet than usual as she thought about the assignment. Dr. Embry watched her for a moment. “Don’t like the assignment?” 
> 
> Her brow furrowed some and while she didn’t want to admit it to the doctor she spoke softly anyway. “I don’t know how to dream. I don’t think about the future really, I just kind of focus on what makes me happy right now and get as much of it as I can.”
> 
> “And that’s why you draw Josh so much? He makes you happy?” Maya nodded. “Does anyone else make you happy?” Once upon a time Maya would have been able to answer that easily, her friends, her family, and her art. But now she didn’t feel happy thinking about any of those things. Maya didn’t realize how her face fell thinking about it and slowly shaking her head no. “Do you remember the last time something else did make you happy?”
> 
> “I don’t know.” Maya muttered trying to force back the emotion building up. But it was a lie. As soon as the question was posed, Maya’s mind went back to sitting around the bakery with her friends, laughing and Riley’s arm around her. She’d gotten an A on a test which was big for Maya. They’d all studied together and worked hard and Katy treated them all to smoothies after school to celebrate. It was almost 24 hours exactly before her mother died. Her eyes began to well a little as the one memory flowed into the next and she was overflowing with feelings of her mother but as soon as Dr. Embry held up a box of tissues Maya was shaking her head and took in a sharp breath. “I’m fine.” Still not ready to face it.
> 
> **\- - - - - - - - - -**
> 
> Maya had been seeing Dr. Embry for three months when she finally felt like she had enough. It wasn’t the right choice for her and on some level she knew it. But she also knew that the only way Topanga was going to let her stop was if she started talking about her feelings. Maya would admit that she’d changed, that she wasn’t as happy as she used to be. But she didn’t feel like happiness couldn’t be reached, she knew what her problems were with being happy at home. She understood it, she just chose not to talk about it.
> 
> Maya finally made the choice to sit down with Topanga and Cory, to sit down alone with the two of them at the kitchen table and really talk to them. “I want to stop seeing Dr. Embry.” She said confidently, her head high. She was not going to act like a child about this, it wouldn’t get her anywhere.
> 
> “Maya, I’m not sure that’s a good idea yet.” Topanga began, but Cory put a hand on her arm.
> 
> “Why?” He asked Maya. He knew she’d never wanted to go, but she’d been going because Topanga wanted her to for months. He knew Maya respected them and would do as they asked, and in turn he respected her for sitting down to discuss it like an adult.
> 
> Maya took in a deep breath and kept her fidgeting hand under the table. “So, you wanted me to go because I wasn’t talking about my mom and I wasn’t happy and thought I needed someone to help me deal with it. And I’m still not talking to her about my mom, and I know I’m not happy as much as I used to be. But…” She swallowed, not wanting them to say anything yet. “But the thing is, I’m never going to be happy like I used to be, but I am happy sometimes. And I won’t say she didn’t do anything for me, she did. She got me drawing again and she helped me know what’s bothering me so much, but I don’t think I need to keep going. And…if you think I need to keep seeing someone, I’d like to see someone else.” She had opened her mouth to let out a rant about the doctor, but stopped herself. She’d ranted to Josh already and he reminded her that if she wanted Topanga and Cory to listen, she would have to keep calm while she talked to them.
> 
> Cory and Topanga both looked to one another for a long moment. They seemed to have silent conversations when they did this, eyes on one another. Maya would watch them as they just looked at one another, sharing expressions and then suddenly having a reply. “What is bothering you so much?” Cory asked and at Maya’s confused expression he elaborated. “You said Dr. Embry helped you see what’s bothering you so much, what is it?” 
> 
> “Oh.” Maya began her eyes looking down. She should have expected they’d want to know. “It’s you.” She said, looking sheepishly at Topanga who looked reasonably taken back. “You’re so great and so together and this awesome mom and it’s just not fair.” Maya replied, and knew her emotions were creeping up on her, feeling the heat in her face, but the door was open and she wasn’t sure she’d be able to close it now. “I hate it, and it’s not fair of me because you do so much for me. You took me in and you take care of me and you want the best for me. You treat me like I’m your kid but I’m not. I’m not your kid and it just makes me miss her so much and the more I miss her, the angrier I get. And it makes me hate her for leaving me and hate you for not being her and for being better than her and then I hate myself for ever hating either of you and….and.” Maya forced herself to stop, taking in a deep breath. Josh was the only other person who had heard all of this before but he’d never known how to make it better for Maya. “I’m sorry.” Tears had filled Maya’s eyes and had begun to spill down her cheeks. “I’m sorry, I sound so ungrateful, but I’m not, I’m really not okay?” 
> 
> Somewhere on a level that Maya couldn’t admit to even herself, she was terrified they would give up on her, that they would send her back to her dad, decide that they couldn’t handle her. She was terrified of being left by another parent that she had refused to show her emotions around any of them. It was better to be who they wanted her to be than risk them leaving her.
> 
> Topanga didn’t say anything right away, her own eyes shining with tears and she just got up and moved next to Maya on the bench. She put her arms around the small blonde and held her close. Cory moved to her other side, it wasn’t about him as much, but he wanted to make sure Maya knew she had them both there for her. “Oh Maya.” Topanga said softly, holding her close and stroking her hair. “You don’t need to be sorry, sweet girl, not at all.”
> 
> “I don’t want to hate you, and I don’t really.” Maya muttered, crying fully now. “I don’t. I just don’t know how else it feels. It hurts and it makes me angry and I’m so sorry.”
> 
> “Shh, no more apologies.” Topanga whispered, rocking a little as she held onto Maya. “I know you don’t hate me.” She whispered against Maya’s head. “It’s okay. It’s okay.” She told Maya over and over as she cried, letting out not only pain from losing her mother, but from feeling so badly for thinking anything negative of Topanga.
> 
> “It’s not fair.” Maya sobbed out softly as she clung to Topanga and Cory.
> 
> “No, it’s not.” Topanga agreed. “It’s not fair at all and you have every right to be mad.”
> 
> “No I don’t. I can’t be mad I can’t…”
> 
> “Of course you can. You have every right.” Cory told her softly. 
> 
> Topanga pulled back some and held Maya’s face, looking at her, both with tears in their eyes. “Listen to me. You can hate her for leaving you, you can hate me for not being her. But you cannot hate yourself for feeling anything. You are not doing anything wrong.” Maya’s lip quivered as Topanga spoke. “We love you, and we know you love us even when you’re angry at everything in the world.” Maya nodded with her head still in Topanga’s hands before both women wrapped their arms around one another, holding tight as Maya cried.
> 
> It was nearing midnight when the three were all on the couch together. Maya’s head in Topanga’s lap as she laid between Cory and her. “I talk to Josh.” Maya answered when asked if she’d talked to anyone about how she felt since she wasn’t talking much to Dr. Embry. “He’s the one who told me I needed to talk to you. He said I needed to tell you why I wanted to stop going to Dr. Embry, that it wasn’t what I wanted. He told me that if I explained it all you’d understand and not be so bothered about how much time I spend with him.” 
> 
> Topanga smiled a little over to Cory. It had only been a week ago that they’d sat Maya down and told her they were worried about how much time she spent with Josh. That she wasn’t seeing her friends anymore, and that focusing your life on a boyfriend wasn’t a healthy relationship. But now it seemed to make a lot more sense than they’d previous thought with Maya confiding in Josh instead of Riley or herself. Topanga was less concerned about Josh and Maya’s closeness now that she understood that he had become the one she leaned on and let all her feelings out on about the loss. If anything she thought higher of Josh for being able to handle it all at only 19. 
> 
> Maya expressed how hard it was to be in the apartment sometimes, to be surrounded by the perfect family and feel so imperfect that it made her crazy. That she knew taking off on Mother’s Day wasn’t right, that Topanga deserved more than that, but that she couldn’t handle it. “Sometimes I just…” She sat up and frowned a little, it was hard to say the words; she did not want to hurt this family. “Just need to not be here with you.” Maya continued quickly. “I know that sounds bad, I’m sorry, I just…I don’t know how else to say it. It’s hard to be here sometimes, to be in this perfect place. When she was here I always chose your house over ours…ours was lonely and quiet and she was so busy. But now, I feel like it’s just rubbing it in my face. And I know it’s not, I do.” She sighed. “Sometimes I just want somewhere without a mom around, especially a perfect mom.” 
> 
> It had been a long night for them all but all three felt it was necessary. They’d finally gotten Maya to speak, to express how she was really feeling. It hadn’t been hard for them to tell that she wasn’t being completely honest with them, that she was trying to be what she thought they wanted. But all they wanted was Maya to be herself. They’d agreed to let Maya stop going to Dr. Embry only with the agreement that Maya would continue to be honest so they knew if it was too much for her to handle and she needed someone else to talk to. They let up on her spending so much time with Josh, seeing that it served a purpose for her outside of just a boyfriend to kiss, that he had become something entirely different over the last few months. 


	8. Part Eight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments appreciated.

> When people looked to the relationship between Maya and Josh, they always assumed it was Maya who was so head over heels, that it was Maya who was the one who clung to it all and felt the need for them to be close. But what people didn’t see between Josh and Maya was that they clung to each other. Josh felt as much of a need for Maya as she felt for him. The chance of spending three months without her being only a couple subway stops away made his stomach twist into knots. There was too much space between them if he went back to his parent’s for the summer. Josh’s reasons for signing up for summer classes had been logical and actually made his family proud. He wanted to graduate early, or be ready for grad school early. He was motivated in his studies and taking extra summer courses to get to his goals sooner was admirable.
> 
> However, for Josh, it just meant more time with Maya. With her out of school for the summer and Josh only taking two classes, they had more time together than they’d ever had before. Some couples wouldn’t do well with so much time, time to do all the things you wanted and then sit around and do nothing, time to spend hours and hours together. But Maya and Josh didn’t ever seem to tire of one another. They grew more and more physical with one another with more time. They experimented and got braver about where and when they did things. Sneaking off at parties, roaming hands in movie theaters. It was all exciting and yet safe at the same time because they trusted the other so much.
> 
> They pushed boundaries and took risks, but no risk was as big as when Maya brought Josh back home with her one night. Everyone was out, Cory and Topanga getting a night out together as Riley went on a date herself and Auggie spent the night with a friend. Josh had taken Maya to a party that ended up with everyone being kicked out when a fight broke out. Maya smirked to him when she opened the door to a dark apartment. “Looks like everyone is out.” She told him flirtatiously. His eyebrows rose when he returned her grin, walking in and slipping his arms around her from behind. 
> 
> “Well it would be a shame to let that go to waste.” He muttered against her neck as he kissed her pale skin softly. 
> 
> “Mmm, my thoughts exactly.” She told him as she turned around in his arms. She got on her toes to close the gap between their mouths, her arms moving up around his neck. There was something exciting about being in this home, this center of perfection, breaking every unspoken rule possible with Josh. Her fingers slid through his dark hair, scratching the back of his neck and taking steps backwards slowly.
> 
> Josh moved with Maya through the dark apartment, laughing some as they stumbled but didn’t want to stop kissing. When they got inside Riley and Maya’s bedroom, Maya didn’t bother reaching for the light instead reaching for Josh’s t-shirt. He kicked the door closed before he let her pull it off, backing her towards the bed he knew to be hers. Maya broke away from Josh to kick off her shoes and moved to the bed. In moments he was lying beside her, kissing her deeply as his hand moved under her shirt. 
> 
> Josh’s hands weren’t the only ones to roam, Maya’s moved over him as well, down his stomach and over the pelvic bone. She rubbed against the mound in his jeans, loving the little noises he made when he liked something she did. He pulled off her shirt, his lips trailing down over newly exposed skin as she undid the button on his jeans and slid her hand inside. The danger of the moment, the place and possibility of being caught only made it more exciting for the two of them as they went at each other with the same desperation a man in the desert went for water.
> 
> Josh gave her shorts a tug, bringing them - and her panties - down her thighs. His fingers were against her, rubbing and thrusting instantly as his mouth crashed into hers. The kisses grew sloppier but they didn’t care, any mistake made – a lip bit or teeth hitting one another – only made them laugh. There were no mistakes noticed between them, only passion.
> 
> Maya was straddling Josh, her nails digging into his bare chest as he held onto her hips. He guided her as she fucked him, pulling her body when she was too consumed to move. Both sweaty and hearts racing, Maya’s hips moving faster and moans falling from their lips – neither heard the front door open. 
> 
> Cory and Topanga hadn’t planned to come home so early, but the comedy show they’d gone to had been a bit too much for Topanga. The comic was more insulting than funny and she didn’t care if it ended up being a waste of money, she wasn’t going to sit there and listen to it. She’d much rather be home in a bath – and if all the kids were still out, perhaps a bath with her husband. They weren’t prepared in the slightest for what was happening in their home, they didn’t even have the inkling that things had gone so far between Maya and Josh. Had it been any other boy, they may have worried, but this was Josh, he was a good kid, he was family, he would wait.
> 
> Cory’s mind hadn’t even gone to Maya and Josh when he heard the first noise – a moan like sound and a giggle – his first instinct was to be terrified Riley had a boy in her room and was learning more than he was ready for her to know. When the two opened the door and flipped on the light everyone in the room let out a scream of some kind. Cory’s shriek was one of shock more than anything else. Topanga was appalled and angry, Josh was scared and Maya was in pain. 
> 
> When the light flipped on, Maya was so startled she jumped at the same time that Josh reached to try to foolishly hide them. She fell off Josh and to the hardwood floor and screamed out in a mix of pain, embarrassment and shock that her guardians were home early. Josh and Maya both fumbled for covers, trying not to be seen. 
> 
> “Oh my god!” was heard from Maya, Topanga and Cory all in different inflections and levels of shock. Cory turned quickly, not wanting to see what he’d just seen. He was in the kitchen pacing as Topanga glared. “What the hell are you doing?!” The lawyer shouted.
> 
> “Topanga, I-” Josh mumbled, his face redder than it had ever been. Somehow being caught was far less exciting once it happened. 
> 
> “Shup up!” She yelled to them both, Maya hadn’t even spoken yet, feeling too embarrassed to say a word, just trying to hide beneath her duvet. “Both of you have five seconds to get dressed and get out here NOW!”
> 
> Maya’s eyes were welling with embarrassed tears as she pulled on her panties, tossing Josh his boxers from the floor. “Oh my god, oh my god.” She repeated. Both dressed in a fearful rush and walked out to the couch. There was no way to pretend nothing happened now, no time to jump apart and just look like it was heavy kissing…not this time. This time they were busted and it was terrifying.
> 
> The young couple sat on the couch knowing well enough to look ashamed of themselves. Both were fully dressed though clearly they’d done so in a hurry. Maya hung her head down, messy hair hiding her face as she closed her eyes tight scared of what was coming. Why did they have to come home? Why didn’t they just go back to the dorm room? Why did the Matthews come home early? 
> 
> Topanga began to yell at them both in a way that Maya had never heard before. “I have never. Not in all my life.” And “You should be ashamed of yourself! What the hell were you thinking?!” Though she didn’t give them any chance to answer any question she posed. Anytime one of them tried to open their mouth, Topanga told them to shut up.
> 
> “We trusted you Josh!” Topanga yelled, pacing and furious. Cory couldn’t even look either of them in the eye, the image of Maya – a girl as close to his own daughter as another child could be – and his baby brother. 
> 
> “How long?” Cory asked finally, his voice gravelly and his eyes diverted but his face showed his anger. The longer he sat silent listening to his wife yell, the more furious he got in his own right. “How long, Josh?!” He snapped when no one answered. They glanced at one another for just a second, seeing now that this was a question they were meant to answer. 
> 
> “Um…” Josh began, swallowing hard and looking shamefully at his brother. “Last fall.” 
> 
> Cory’s eyes finally met Josh’s in a glare. “Last fall?” He asked, skeptically. “Maya was in Ohio last fall.” He snapped, insinuating his brother was lying. 
> 
> “Oh god.” Topanga sighed, understanding already. “He didn’t go get her in Ohio, Cory! He was already there!” Topanga turned on her heel, glaring to them again. “You have been lying to us for almost a year?!” It was then that the front door opened again. Riley stood in the open doorway eyes wide as she stared at the sight before her. “Riley go to your room.” Topanga ordered as soon as she saw her daughter.
> 
> “What happened?” Riley asked, not moving yet.
> 
> “Riley! GO!” Cory shouted this time, standing by the kitchen table. Riley jumped, startled at ever being yelled at like that.
> 
> Maya didn’t think when she stood up. “Don’t yell at her! You’re mad at me, not her!” She snapped, the instinct to protect Riley was a strong part of who Maya was. 
> 
> “Maya!” Cory yelled.
> 
> “Sit down!” Topanga shouted.
> 
> But Maya just turned to Riley. “Riles, just go okay? It’s not your fault, but just go.” Riley’s eyes had welled with tears and she nodded a little, walking away from them all. Once Riley got into the room she shared with Maya she began to put it all together. Messy bed, Maya and Josh looking ashamed and being yelled at. Her eyes went wide as she realized what happened and she moved to sit on the floor next to the door to listen to the talk down the hall.
> 
> Maya shot a glare at Cory before she sat back down and Topanga had never felt as angry as she did that night. She had never had the urge to strike a child, but she understood the urge to want to smack someone as she held a fist tightly clenched at her side to keep her from smacking Maya across the mouth. 
> 
> The words, irresponsible, disrespectful, stupid, deceitful, insolent, and reckless had all been said and after nearly an hour of being shouted down Topanga finally spoke again. “You two are done.” Maya’s eyes shot up then, wide and almost terrified. “You are grounded until I say otherwise, Maya. Cory will take you to and from school and you will go nowhere else. You will come home and go to your room. And you will not see Josh.”
> 
> “Topanga…” Josh began unable to believe she was going to keep them apart, but she just glared at him.
> 
> “Don’t.” She told him sharply, pointing a finger at him. “You better be glad you’re family, Joshua Matthews otherwise I’d have you arrested.” She snapped. “Age of consent in New York is seventeen.” Maya’s eyes went wide and she wondered silently what it was in Ohio where they’d began. “You two are done.” She said again. “When she’s eighteen then you two can do whatever you like, but until then the only time you will see one another is right here supervised by one of us.” Topanga stood with a strong chin, staring Josh down. “Now go. Get out of my sight and pray I don’t call your mother.” 
> 
> Josh turned to Maya, feeling like his heart was breaking. He loved her, with everything he had he loved her. He knew he couldn’t kiss her goodnight, he knew he couldn’t hold her close and breathe her in without being shouted at again. As Maya looked back at him her eyes revealed the same emotions, love and pain and fear. She didn’t care about being yelled at again. She moved in quickly and wrapped her arms around him, hugging him and knowing it could be a long time before she did it again. “I love you.” She whispered, holding him tight as he said he loved her too.
> 
> “Alright, enough, time to go Josh.” He pulled back slowly at Topanga’s words, muttering a soft goodbye to Maya and a sorry to Topanga and Cory before he let himself out. Topanga turned back to Maya then. “Go to bed, Maya.”
> 
> “Topanga,” Maya began. “Can we just talk about this?”
> 
> “No.” Topanga cut her off. “You have been lying to me for months, Maya, I have nothing else to say to you. Now go.” She pointed towards the hall and a defeated Maya stood and walked with her head hanging towards her room.
> 
> While Cory knew what Topanga said wasn’t going to stick, that once she calmed down she would know that trying to forbid them from being together was really only going to make it worse…he wasn’t going to tell her that in the middle of her anger. Topanga would calm in her own time and they would all talk again. Topanga couldn’t say in the moment who she was more upset with, Maya or Josh. They both disappointed her so much made her so angry and disgusted she couldn’t see straight. What none of them knew was how much she held back, that in her mind she was threatening to send Maya back to Ohio, she was telling Josh he wasn’t welcome in their home until he could respect them…but she knew those words were too harsh whether she felt them or not and she held her tongue as best she could.
> 
> None of them would be sleeping much that night. Topanga and Cory laid awake together, questioning how they didn’t see it sooner, questioning what Riley knew and in turn what Riley was doing if Maya was already having sex. Topanga calmed, but not enough to admit anything she had said was wrong – still too angry at the kids to do so. Josh would lie awake with the smell of Maya all around him as he questioned every choice he’d made regarding her over and over again. Had he made mistakes? Was he in the wrong? Should he have known better? Was he doing wrong by Maya? Should they have waited until she was 18? Was this his fault? Should he stay away? Could he stay away? Maya would only sleep near dawn, once she cried herself there in Riley’s arms. Riley held onto Maya, cuddled together in the same bed and trying to tell her best friend it would be okay, but Maya had no hope anything would be okay again and all she could do was sob. 


	9. Part Nine

> Cory and Topanga sat down with Riley and talked to her about all that happened, glad to realize that Riley believed strongly in the same morals her parents did and wanted to wait until she was married. She admitted that she knew about Maya and Josh already which had begun to anger Topanga until Riley continued. “Mom, she wasn’t bragging or anything.” Riley said, seeing the tightness in her mother’s lips. “She didn’t even want to tell me, but I followed her into the store and saw her buying…condoms.” Riley found it hard to talk about, her cheeks red, but she wanted so much to help Maya that she pushed through it. “I bugged her about it and she told me that they were doing it, she told me that they’re in love” And Topanga rolled her eyes and Riley tried to ignore it. “And they were being safe. That’s good right? I mean at least they were being safe.”
> 
> Cory jumped in there. “Yes, Ri, of course it’s good they’re being safe. But it’s not as simple as that right now.”
> 
> Riley sighed. “Why isn’t it? I mean…why are they in so much trouble?” Topanga’s head whipped around to her daughter, shocked at her words. “I know she’s only sixteen, but…lots of sixteen year olds are doing it and not being safe. There’s two pregnant girls in our school right now, at least Maya was safe. And you can’t say they’re not in love, you two kind of trump the young love argument you know.” Riley knew she was on thin ice defending Maya when Topanga was so angry but Maya was her best friend and her sister. She knew Maya would defend her until the end and in turn she would do the same. Topanga was avoiding conversations with Maya about the punishment at the time, Riley was the only hope they had to get how they felt about it across.
> 
> “Riley, enough. You’re not going to get her out of trouble. She lied, she did something wrong and she’s going to have consequences for that.” Topanga replied, keeping her temper calm with her daughter this time.
> 
> “But she didn’t. Lie I mean.” Riley continued quickly. “I know, I know she’s in trouble, but…she didn’t lie. She just didn’t tell you.”
> 
> “A lie of omission is still a lie.”
> 
> “Is it? I mean…who tells people about stuff like that? Guys brag about stuff at school, but most of it is lies. Maya just didn’t tell anyone about something personal that’s no one’s business.”
> 
> “ _She_ is our business.”
> 
> “But mom.”
> 
> “No, Riley. Enough, I mean it. This is not up for discussion.” Topanga ended the conversation with Riley, but once she and Cory were alone she caught her husband’s expression. “What?”
> 
> “She reminds me of you with how she debates.” He was somewhat proud of how mature his daughter could be with such a topic. And his wife smiled, but only for a moment. “She makes a good argument you know.” Cory continued and that was when the smile faded. “She didn’t lie to us, they told us they were dating, and we assumed it was more innocent because of who they are. She doesn’t have to tell you about her sex life – do I want her to have one? No. But it is a personal thing, do you talk to your parents about sex? I know you were angry, we saw things that I **never** wanted to see.” He visibly shuddered at the thought of seeing the two having sex even if just for a second. “And it was definitely disrespectful for them to do it here. But she didn’t technically lie to you.”
> 
> “So what? You think I should just let them off the hook?” She asked, not liking being wrong, especially her husband telling her she was wrong. 
> 
> “No. They need to think about what happened and why it’s a problem. But I think you need to have a **calm** conversation with Maya. She loves you Topanga, she needs you and you know your disappointment is a pretty big blow to her.” Cory sighed, standing from his place at the kitchen table and pouring himself some juice. He paused, trying to think of how to word what he wanted to say. “And, uh, I don’t think you should try to keep them apart.”
> 
> “Cory.”
> 
> “Hear me out.” He told her, taking a gulp of his juice. “He was the only one she would talk to about her mother, he wasn’t a _completely_ negative influence; he urged her to talk to us about it.” He reminded his wife. “Plus…I think you know as well as I do that the more you keep them apart the more they’re going to fight it and try to see one another. Maya is rebellious, always has been, I don’t want her to rebel against us so much that we lose her. She thinks she’s in love, kids do stupid things when they’re in love.” He sighed, knowing all too well about the things kids could do, knowing about the pregnant girls at school, about the talk from the boys about all they said they’d done. He knew that this could go even more downhill than it already was.
> 
> **\- - - - - - - - - -**
> 
> Maya Hart was likely the most rebellious teenager Topanga and Cory had known since Shawn Hunter. She wasn’t a bad kid, she had a good heart and good intentions most of the time but she had a big problem with authority. Possibly because she never had a lot of it at home and never learned how to deal with it properly. Maya had been taking care of herself for a long time and it was hard for her to accept that someone else made decisions about her life.
> 
> Maya didn’t want to be kicked out, she didn’t want to push the Matthews so much that they wouldn’t let her stay but at the rate she seemed to be going it would happen before she was ready to live on her own. She pushed the boundaries of her punishment, while her phone was taken away she would use Lucas’ at school to text and call Josh. Neither Maya nor Josh would accept that Topanga got to decide that they were done. The only positive side of it all was that Maya was so focused on how to see Josh again that her sadness was moving further back in her mind.
> 
> She tried to make things better at home. She did her homework promptly, she cleaned the apartment, cleared the table after every meal and washed up all the dishes. She did the laundry and made the beds. She did anything that could need to be done in the home trying to get on Topanga’s good side again. But after only a week she was getting sick of feeling like she was public enemy number one, she was getting sick of being told she couldn’t even speak to her boyfriend. By Wednesday night she was plotting how she could see Josh. One text to her boyfriend and the plan was in motion.
> 
> On Thursday night Maya feigned sleep until Riley was out for the night, then she sat up and watched the clock. The red lights glowed 1:00 AM when Maya slipped out the window. She didn’t leave the fire escape, didn’t need to – Josh had already climbed up. Her arms went around him instantly as they sat together on the metal base. “I missed you.” She breathed out. “Why didn’t we think of this days ago?” She asked with a grin. They both seemed to feel a hundred pounds lighter just being next to each other again though neither of them realized the level of their co-dependence as much as someone on the outside of their relationship might. 
> 
> Around 2 AM the two broke apart from a long bout of kissing and just rested against one another, feeling the bitter sweetness of the moment. While together now, he would need to go soon. “I know we’ve been apart before.” Josh began. “But this felt different.”
> 
> “Yeah.” Maya agreed, her fingers slipping between his. “But before you were across the county, this time you were just a subway ride away. I think that makes it harder.” Her head leaned over to his shoulder as their backs leaned against the brick. “I hate being told I can’t see you. That’s what makes it worse. That I have to live with someone who is trying to tell me who I can and can’t date. It’s not fair.”
> 
> Inside the bedroom, Riley sat listening near the window as Maya and Josh spoke softly to one another. They talked about the week they’d been apart, about how Maya had been trying to get Topanga to forgive her…about how she wasn’t really sorry for making love to him, but perhaps the choice in location wasn’t the best. Josh told Maya how beautiful she was, how he was so happy to see her smile again. He told her he didn’t care if Topanga and Cory did make them wait to see one another again until she was 18, she was worth the wait. Riley could feel the jealousy washing over her, Maya seemed to have found the one so easily just like her parents, but Riley was still trying to figure out what she wanted. Love looked so nice from the outside, she just wanted someone to want to be with her so much they would be out in the middle of the night just for a few stolen kisses on a fire escape. 
> 
> When the clock showed 3:30 Riley took a breath and tapped at the window gently. She didn’t want to scare them by just poking her head out. “Riley!?” Maya whispered, her head jerking around to look at the window. Riley poked her head out then, a sheepish smile on her lips. 
> 
> “It’s just me.” Riley whispered. “Hi Josh.” She gave him a smile. “Maya it’s half past three mom will be up in a hour.” When Maya realized Riley was warning her, had been up the whole time looking out for her she smiled, filled with love for her best friend and she nodded. 
> 
> “Thanks, Riles.” Josh whispered back with a smile of his own. His attention went right back to Maya and pulled her into a hug. “Text me tomorrow at school okay?” Maya nodded, holding onto him just as snugly. “We’ll work it out. I promise.” He pulled back to look into her blue eyes for a second before he leaned in to kiss her. “I love you.”
> 
> “I love you too.” She replied with one more kiss before she slid back into the window. She and Riley climbed into bed together. “Thank you, Riley.” She whispered as they laid nose to nose. 
> 
> “Anytime.” Riley whispered back, and she knew it was true, she’d risk punishment for Maya, especially for the Maya she heard whispering her love on the balcony. Maya was happy with Josh, and Riley wanted so much for Maya to stay happy, despite all the jokes they made she truly believes Maya deserved it all.
> 
> **\- - - - - - - - - -**
> 
> Despite her conversation with Cory, Topanga wasn’t giving in just yet. She couldn’t shake the image of little Maya on top of her brother-in-law. Every time she looked at Maya she saw the image again and again. She found herself avoiding Maya for the most part, busying herself anytime Maya seemed to try and talk to her. She wouldn’t discuss the punishment, she wouldn’t discuss Josh. Maya had gone to the bedroom door only to be told it wasn’t a good time and be sent back to her room. After week two of her punishment and feeling so uncomfortable at home, Maya finally enlisted Riley for help in getting her mother to talk.
> 
> Topanga heard the knock at the closed bedroom door and then the voice of daughter on the other side. “Mom? Are you busy or can I come in?”
> 
> Topanga smiled a little closing her book and sitting it aside. “Not busy at all, sweetheart, come on in.” But when the door opened it was Maya standing on the other side, Riley already back down the hall. “Maya?” Topanga sighed, getting the ruse but it was now too late to back out of it. “What is it?”
> 
> Maya watched Topanga shift in the bed, sitting up taller; her back straight. “I want you to talk to me.” Maya told her, keeping her own back straight. “Or are you busy again?” It was snarky but it was the attitude of a sixteen year old and Topanga had nearly expected it. 
> 
> “What do you want me to talk about?” Topanga asked, but the reply was definitely not what she expected to hear.
> 
> “Sex.” Maya replied flatly.
> 
> “Maya…” She sighed some as she spoke but Maya kept going, afraid if she stopped she’d lose her nerve.
> 
> “How old were you when you first had sex?” Maya asked. “When did you first want to? Were you always safe? Were you in love?” She stepped forward some, she wasn’t going to let this go. Maya had been thinking about this for a while and how to begin the conversation. “Did you like it your first time? Did it scare you?”
> 
> Topanga sighed, “Fine, you really want to do this? Okay. I had sex when I was 19 years old _and married_.” She emphasized but it was the age that got Maya. She had never put it together before, the Matthews were still teenagers when they got married. “Cory and I both waited until our wedding night. Of course I thought about it before then, but I knew what was right, and waiting was right. If by safe you mean did we use birth control, of course we did, we were not ready for children while we were still in school.” Topanga was sure she was giving off the right impression, but she had no idea what Maya’s true goal here was. “I was very much in love and I remember my first time fondly and yes, I think I was a little scared at first but I knew my husband was going to take care of me. It’s another good reason to wait until you’re married, you know you’re in it for the long run and not just caving in to some hormonal pressure.”
> 
> Maya cocked her head to the side. “Not all people who get married are in it for the long run.” Maya reminded her softly of her own broken home. “Topanga, you were a teenager when you got married, you were the same age as Josh.” She told her, fidgeting with the edge of her jean pocket, forcing herself to keep her composure. Maya swallowed hard, ready to answer all of her own questions. “I was fifteen when I first had sex. I wanted to and I was safe. I was and still am in love with Josh.” Topanga looked uncomfortable with the conversation now, sighing a little and wishing it would stop. “I liked my first time and I wasn’t scared at all because I was with Josh. I didn’t need to be married to know I was taken care of and in love. I know Josh is in it for the long run with me. I was his first too.” It was a lot of truth to lay out there, but she felt like she had to do it to make her understand. “We love each other, Topanga. This isn’t some stupid kid thing, this is real.”
> 
> “I know you feel like that right now but...”
> 
> “But what? You got married at nineteen! Do you really expect me to believe that you don’t think you can fall in love for life as a teenager? You can’t be a hypocrite about this.” And as Topanga raised a brow, Maya wondered if she’d chosen her words badly but it was too late to go back now. “And you can’t keep punishing me because I did it. I am sorry we did it here, but this is my home now and I feel safe here so why shouldn’t I be in my own bed.” Before Topanga could jump in Maya talked a little faster. “I wasn’t hurting anyone and I should be the only one who gets to decide when I have sex, not you.” It was bold, but Maya rolled with it trying to ignore the annoyance growing on Topanga’s face. Cory had been standing in the doorway since Topanga had begun to talk about her own experiences, listening quietly as Maya tried to make a point. “I’m not trying to be disrespectful, but I’m not going to do this anymore, I am not ashamed of what I did. I love him. And I need him and I don’t want to sneak around to see him. I don’t want to lie to you to see my boyfriend but we both know that I will. I’ve seen him since you punished us and part of me wants to be sorry for sneaking around, but I’m not. Do we have to go get married for you to be okay with this? You know I try hard to do my best and to make you all proud of me and it’s hard sometimes and you holding this against me when I didn’t do anything wrong makes me feel like shit, Topanga.” Cory frowned behind Maya, not because she cursed in front of them but just at the tone of her voice. He looked to his wife’s face as she listened to the rants of a teenage girl and knew it was getting to her too.
> 
> Topanga hated being the bad guy, being the one to make someone feel as badly as Maya was obviously feeling just then. She wanted to turn back time to when the only thing they worried about with Maya was her encouraging Riley to break curfew. She wanted so much to make life feel simple again. It was then Cory stepped around Maya and walked over to the bed, sitting beside his wife and taking her hand. Cory was always the one who wanted to keep them from growing up, keep them all safe, and it felt incredibly strange to have the tables turned. Topanga sighed. “I don’t want you to feel like shit, Maya. I really don’t, but I can’t help that I’m disappointed and upset by this. I’ve know you since you were five years old, I look at you as one of my own and you’re growing up too fast. You’re so focused on Josh, you’re missing out on just being a kid.” Cory took Topanga’s hand and looked sympathetically towards Maya. 
> 
> “I’m not a kid.” Maya said simply.
> 
> “I know.” Topanga replied. “Doesn’t mean I don’t wish you could have more time being one.” The part Topanga was slowly realizing was that Maya likely hadn’t been a ‘kid’ in a long time. She spent a lot of time having to grow up, to face the world on her own. She looked to Cory who seemed to already know this truth, Maya spent a lot of time protecting Riley, keeping that inner child strong and safe perhaps to live vicariously as her own inner child was long gone. “Okay, Maya.” Topanga began after a moment of silence and a squeeze of Cory’s hand. He nodded to Topanga, nudging her to continue. “You’re still grounded, but when it’s over you can see Josh again.” Maya’s eyes went wide with excitement, but she held her breath, not letting out a sound. “You and I have a lot more talking to do though and there will be rules I expect to be followed.” Maya nodded, thanking them both excitedly as she hugged them and said goodnight. She couldn’t believe she’d finally gotten through to Topanga, couldn’t believe all she’d told her to do it. She ran back to her room and jumped on the bed with Riley to tell her everything.


	10. Part Ten

> “I want to move back to Ohio.” Maya told Cory and Topanga. It was the beginning of December and everything had seemed to be going perfectly since the summer…until that moment. They both looked to her confused, not understanding where this was coming from. 
> 
> “What’s going on, Maya?” Cory asked, his stomach twisted slightly knowing something wasn’t right. Maya didn’t have a lot to say about her reasons for leaving, just that it was time and she needed to go which was a concept they couldn’t understand. It didn’t seem like it was that long ago that she was running away from Ohio. “Did something happen with you and Josh?” Maya shook her head no. “Riley?” no. “School?” no. She had nothing specific to tell them except that she’d already talked to her dad and he’d said she could come back anytime.
> 
> “I didn’t want to ask you for money, but he can’t afford to fly me there or ship my stuff back.” Maya muttered, her eyes on the wood grain of the table. 
> 
> “Maya…” Topanga started softly. “If you really want to go be with your dad, we will of course take care of the travel arrangements. But…are you really sure about this? You were really unhappy last time.”
> 
> Maya let out a sigh. “I’m sure.” She said abruptly as she stood up. “I want to go. As soon as possible.” She told them, heading down the hall towards the room she shared with Riley. They had called her back, tried over and over to talk to her about it, to get to the bottom of it but all Maya would say was she wanted to go and they couldn’t tell her no.
> 
> While Cory and Topanga hadn’t understood it, they couldn’t deny her. She should know her family, but they made sure to know they would bring her back any time, for a visit or longer, all she had to do was call. Maya had begun shutting them all out a week before she left, making her point that she was leaving on her own this time and not clinging to stay.
> 
> Maya spent her last night in New York with Josh and seeing as how she was leaving the following day, she didn’t care about her curfew. She sent a text to Topanga that she wasn’t coming home until morning and Topanga didn’t even bother to try to stop her. There wasn’t much she could do at this point and as much as she hated it - and hated knowing exactly what was going on, she let it go. It wasn’t worth it to make everyone miserable with a fight when they would be taking Maya to the airport the following day anyway.
> 
> “Is there anything I can say to make you stay?” He asked her softly as they laid together in the small bed in the darkness. 
> 
> “No.” She told him softly as she rolled to her side to face him. “But you can tell me you love me again.” 
> 
> “I love you.” He told her softly, holding her close, noses brushing against one another slightly as he moved in to kiss her. “I’m really going to miss you.” He told her. Maya knew that this trip was going to be the beginning of the end for her and Josh and while she was the one making it happen, she still loved him and just wanted to spend her last hours in New York in his arms.
> 
> The trip to the airport was heart breaking for everyone involved, Riley couldn’t stop crying and Josh felt like his heart was being ripped out of his chest as she gave him one last kiss good bye. She thanked Topanga and Cory for everything they’d ever done for her. Maya held in her tears until she was on the plane, the one and only time she’d ever gotten to ride first class. She was well taken care of on the flight, a sweet and very gay male flight attendant came and sat next to her to comfort her while she cried. 
> 
> When she landed, Kermit was waiting for her near baggage claim. He tried to give her a smile when he saw her walking over but her face looked as sullen as it ever had. “Hey kiddo.” He said softly, cocking his head to the side. “We, uh, made some changes for you.” He took her bag for her and started walking towards the parking garage. “How did they take it? You coming back?” He asked and she shrugged a little and told him it was fine. 
> 
> When Maya got back to the small house that resided in the small town she was filled with memories from her last visit. Her pain and loneliness, Josh coming to see her, camping with him in the woods, Josh taking her away. But she had to shake those memories off, that was over now. Maya started towards the stairs to the basement when she walked into the house. “Maya.” Jules said, getting her step-daughter’s attention. She spoke softly, smiling to the small blonde. “Your room is up here now.” She told her, trying to let her know that all was forgiven from the fights in the past. She understood Maya had been through a lot, and that she was going through things they couldn’t understand last time she’d been there.
> 
> “Huh?” Maya asked, looking back as if they were nuts. What room could be up here? They only had two bedrooms.
> 
> “C’mon.” Kermit told her as he walked down the hall. He pushed open the door to the master bedroom and let Maya walk in first. They had given up their bedroom for Maya. “We moved downstairs, this is your room now.” He told her, waiting in the doorway to see how she liked it. They seemed to be trying a lot harder for Maya this time and since she’d asked to come back after being horrible to them, she didn’t completely feel she deserved it, but she appreciated it more than she could say. 
> 
> Maya walked into the largest bedroom in the house and looked around. Her bed, all her things – unpacked for her this time instead of stacked against the wall and next to her bed was the white crib. Maya walked over to the crib and let her fingers brush against it. She looked back to her father and Jules standing in the doorway. They were the only ones she’d told she was pregnant.
> 
> Maya found out she was pregnant two weeks before she asked Topanga to send her back to Ohio. She knew from the moment she found out that it wasn’t going to go well. She thought about Josh, about his future, his plans for med school and the amazing life he had ahead of him. She knew he would drop it all and try to marry her if he knew. She didn’t want him to risk his future for her. She decided that she would just handle things herself. She considered an abortion but she couldn’t go even bring herself to go inside the clinic. It took her a few days to work out another option…and in her eyes it was her only option. To leave. 
> 
> “Thank you.” Maya said softly, sitting down on her bed and looking around. They’d bought her a few things and Maya couldn’t believe all they’d done for her after she’d treated them so badly. 
> 
> Jules stepped past Kermit, inside. “I know the crib isn’t new, but it is fresh paint. It was Laney’s…she also passed along a few of her old toys.”
> 
> Maya turned towards Jules and smiled just a little. “Thank you, really. For the crib, the room, letting me come back…just for everything. Thank you.” Jules smiled wide, forgetting any animosity between the two of them as she moved to hug Maya. Jules could see the change in Maya even in those few moments, she wasn’t the rude teenager from a previous marriage that had been kept from her for too many years. Now she was a scared girl in trouble who asked for help.
> 
> **\- - - - - - - - - -**
> 
> Maya started back at the high school and was immediately recognized even though she’d only attended the school for a short while the previous year. At lunch a girl from Maya’s math class named Sarah broke away from her table of friends and moved to sit with Maya, directly across from her at the table. “Is it true?” The girl asked and Maya looked up curiously. 
> 
> “What?”
> 
> “That you ran away with a boy last year and the police caught you trying to get married and arrested him and brought you home?” The girl asked as seriously as if she were asking about someone’s poor health. Maya burst out laughing and shook her head.
> 
> “No, that’s not what happened.”
> 
> “So, what happened?” 
> 
> “I, uh, I just moved away for a while, now I’m back.”
> 
> “Yeah but you left with a boy, heard you two drove off late at night after your daddy said you couldn’t see him.”
> 
> Maya snickered slightly, sitting up a little more. “Not exactly.” Maya said softly, the girl’s smile was kind and Maya truly sensed she wasn’t trying to gossip or run back to her friends with new info on the new girl. After a few minutes of talking Maya felt comfortable enough to tell Sarah some truth, maybe it would get around and stop some of the gossip. “I used to live in New York with my mom, never spent much time with my dad. And my mom died so my dad came to get me, but I didn’t want to go so I took off back to New York and he came to get me again. The guy who was here was my boyfriend from New York, he came to visit and when my dad and I got in a fight and he told me to go back to New York if I wanted, I did.” She shrugged a little, it wasn’t that exciting to Maya but Sarah was on the edge of her seat. 
> 
> “You ran away to New York? That’s like something out of a movie.” Sarah told her and Maya just laughed. 
> 
> “It’s really not, is it?” But Sarah nodded, the two became fast friends after that day. Sarah was fascinated with Maya’s life. She’d never been to New York herself so hearing all about the big city was. They spent a lot of time together but it was more than two months before Maya had invited Sarah to the house, she needed time to trust her new friends, time to know she was a real friend and not just someone looking for dish on the new girl. But Sarah was a sincere friend from the start.
> 
> Maya hadn’t told anyone about the pregnancy yet, she was small enough and the winter weather had been accommodating to keep her covered, but the bedroom with a crib would be a giveaway and she knew it. When Sarah came home after school with Maya that Friday afternoon in February. “So, I wanted to tell you something.” Maya began as they walked. “About why I came back.” 
> 
> “You told me why you came back.” Maya had given Sarah the same line she’d given the Matthews, she’d realized after dealing with the loss of her mother than she needed to know her family and needed time with her father to do that. But as Sarah caught Maya’s expression she stopped before climbing the steps to Maya’s front porch. “You lied?”
> 
> Maya looked almost guilty but shrugged it off. “Kind of, but…you’ll understand in a minute.” She told her and started up the steps. Sarah followed, curious and confused. Maya led her friend down the short hallway and then into her room. She closed the door behind Sarah and waited for her friend to say something.
> 
> “You’ve got a big room.” Sarah began and then her eyes settled on the crib. “Oh do you share with your baby sister? Is it okay for me to sleep over?” 
> 
> Maya took a deep breath, sitting on the side of the bed. “I don’t have a baby sister. Well…I have sisters, but not babies.”
> 
> “Then why?” She motioned towards the crib and Maya caught her eye. 
> 
> “I’m pregnant.” She told her friend softly, not really sure what to expect in return. This was a small town, everyone seemed to know one another all their lives, they went to church and she’d been gossiped about last time she was here. If just spending the night with a boy had made her a slut in the eyes of this town, what would being a pregnant teenager make her? 
> 
> Sarah’s eyes went wide, this was not what she expected to hear. She blinked a few times but kept her shocked expression on Maya. “You’re…really?” She asked, this was clearly news she’d never been told before from a friend. Maya stood and raised her bulky sweatshirt, revealing her stomach, it wasn’t huge, but at four and a half months in it was a noticeable swell. “Woah….”
> 
> Maya lowered her shirt and sat back down. “Sorry I lied to you before, I just, no one knows.” Sarah gave the crib a noticeable nod. “Okay, I mean my parents know and my sisters, but…no one else, it’s why I left New York.”
> 
> “You left because you were pregnant?” Sarah asked as she sat down on the floor and kicked off her shoes. Maya just nodded. “But why? I mean, you went there to be with people you love right?” They had talked a lot about her life in New York, about the Matthews, about Riley and Josh, about the life she used to have and how much it all meant to her. 
> 
> It wasn’t until later that night when the house was quiet that Maya told Sarah everything. “I love him, I think I’ll always love him, but…I don’t want him to know. I told my dad we broke up, that I needed help and wanted to come home they didn’t ask me any details or anything, just let me come home and said they’d help me. They even gave me a crib already, they’re really supportive. I don’t think they’d be happy if they really knew that I never told Josh at all.” Maya spoke softly from her bed, leaning over the edge to where a pallet of blankets and sleeping bags was made on the floor for Sarah. Maya had offered to take the floor, but Sarah refused to take the bed. “Josh is gonna be a doctor one day, he’s so smart and dedicated. I want that for him, I want him to have his future, he deserves that. If I told him he’d quit school start working all the time and want to get married. I can’t let him do that.”
> 
> “So you never told him? You just left?” 
> 
> “Nope, and I ended it over the phone. Seriously the worst thing I’ve ever done.” Maya frowned thinking about the awful conversation telling Josh they didn’t have time for one another, that they both had school and they should take a break. She’d cried for hours after hanging up the phone and hadn’t spoken to Josh since. “He’s going to have a perfect life, I’m not.” She shrugged a little.
> 
> “Maya, that’s awful…” Sarah said, sitting up as she frowned. “I mean, it’s just so sad.” She gave Maya a hug before they both laid back down, slowly drifting off to sleep. 
> 
> In the basement, Kermit and Jules lay awake, listening to Maya and Sarah talk through the vents as she had once done to them. Kermit sat up, ready to go upstairs and have a talk with his daughter. “Don’t.” Jules said softly, putting a hand on her husband’s shoulder. 
> 
> “Did you know she never told that boy?!” He whispered with a furrowed brow. 
> 
> “Of course not, but it’s not your place to decide who knows, it’s hers.” He began to object but Jules shook her head. “No, Kermit, listen….she needs to make these choices, she’s going to be someone’s mother, you can’t do this for her. I know you want to help her, but you can’t.” Kermit let out a huff and laid back down with his arms crossed, glaring up at the ceiling, frustrated that he couldn’t do anything to fix this.


	11. Part Eleven

> “I want my mother!” Maya screamed as the pain ripped through her. She shoved her father away from her as he tried to hold her hand. She’d been in labor since the day before, but had been in the hospital for five hours now. She cried as she curled around her swelled stomach, contractions were more painful than she’d expected. The one person she wanted was the one person she couldn’t have. She sobbed, clinging a pillow. 
> 
> She screamed for Josh, for her mother, for Riley…for everyone she didn’t have and missed so much. She cried and pushed away everyone that was there for her. But Jules didn’t leave the room when Maya shouted at her to get out. She moved closer to Maya, an arm around her and took her hands. “Squeeze, baby, squeeze as hard as it hurts.” Maya clamped down on her step-mother’s hands as she pushed. Her body was tired, sweaty and in pain. 
> 
> “I can’t…” She cried as they told her to push again, panting, her small body felt like it was breaking with the pressure of the baby coming out. 
> 
> “Yes you can.” Jules told her, holding her close. “You can do this, you’re strong, c’mon now, just push with me.” 
> 
> With two more painful pushes, Maya’s son was born. She fell back against the bed, panting and crying as they wrapped up the tiny baby. When he was laid on her chest she smiled and looked at him with tired eyes. “Hi, little man.” She whispered, holding him to her and closing her eyes once more. 
> 
> When she woke up she was on her side in a hospital bed, her son in a small plastic basinet at her bedside sleeping as much as she had been. Her body was sore and she winced as she sat up. She looked over at the baby, he was so beautiful that it made her want to cry again. She laid awake for hours just staring at her son. “I love you more than I have ever loved anyone in my entire life.” She whispered to the sleeping child. 
> 
> Matthew Kallen Hart was born on July 28th, weighing in at 8 lb. 1 oz. and 21 inches long. Maya wondered if he would keep his above average height as he grew and be tall like his father. He was named for his father and her mother. He was born with a head full of dark hair and pure blue eyes. He was a beautiful baby and everyone who saw him would say so. 
> 
> Over her time in Ohio - this time set to stay - Maya had made more friends at school. Sarah of course had been the first to visit, she’d been waiting in the family lounge when Maya was taken into the delivery room. Her best friend was having a baby and she wasn’t going anywhere. The next day a group of girls and a single gay teenage boy all crowed in Maya’s room at the hospital. They all wanted to hold the baby, to hug Maya and see how she was. They all told her how much they missed her at school and how beautiful Matthew was. 
> 
> Maya was surrounded by friends and people who cared about her, but she still felt an emptiness inside. She wanted Josh, she wanted him to be there, holding her hand. She wanted him to see his beautiful son. But she knew she couldn’t have him there. She’d taken it too far now, and nothing had changed in her reasoning, he had a life to live and she had one to raise.
> 
> **\- - - - - - - - - -**
> 
> Kermit sat down on the couch beside his daughter and grandson. They had been home for a week now and Maya was trying to settle into a routine. She was tired, but she wasn’t unhappy, every time she looked at Matthew she found a calm inside her. “Come see grandpa.” Kermit said, reaching out for the baby Maya had just finished changing. 
> 
> “Good timing.” Maya told him, handing over the baby and standing to go toss out the diaper.
> 
> “Yeah, I waited till you were done.” Kermit joked, settling in on the sofa with the baby on his chest. “Come sit with me, let’s talk.” She sat back down and let out a yawn as she looked over at her father holding Matthew. She didn’t expect to be here in her life, but she was thankful for them all, they’d all tried to help, even her little sisters did what they could. “I want to talk to you about Joshua.” Kermit began and Maya immediately sighed. “Now wait, hear me out Maya.” So she shifted in her seat and let him speak. “I made a big mistake with you, I left and I was wrong. I will never be able to fix that.” Maya frowned a little, not expecting it to go here. 
> 
> “Dad, I…”
> 
> “I know that it hurt you, it hurt you more than I will ever fully understand.” He told her softly. “I don’t want your son to feel like his father abandoned him.” Maya froze then, staring at her baby. He stretched his legs and let his toes pop out of the blanket and her sinuses burned as her eyes welled. “I know he didn’t leave you, I know why you left and why you didn’t tell him. But you’ve got to think about Matthew now, Joshua can make his own choices about what he wants to do. I made bad choices with you, but I had a choice to make, you’re not even giving him a chance to make a choice.” Kermit frowned some as he looked at his daughter’s face. “Maya, we love you and we will support whatever you want to do. But I want you to really sit down and think about it now. Think about what you would have wanted if you could have changed things for yourself when you were little.” 
> 
> Maya slept while Matthew slept, it was what all the doctors and books recommended, but this time while her son slept in the crib beside her bed, Maya couldn’t find rest. Her father’s words replaying in her head. She felt like a terrible person, that she should have told Josh, of course she should have…how could she do to her son what had been done to her, how could she deny him a father? But how could she made it better now? If she went to Josh now he was sure to hate her, to loathe her for leaving without a word, for keeping the baby from her. The whole Matthews family would hate her, they would never forgive her for this. How could they?
> 
> “I don’t know what to do.” She told Kermit and Jules as they sat in the living room together. Matthew sleeping in Jules’ arms as Maya sat curled up on the couch. She’d expressed her concerns to them both, she expressed how she still didn’t think Josh giving up his life was fair, but that it wasn’t fair to Matthew not to know his family – especially a family that was so great. 
> 
> “Listen,” Jules began, speaking softly. “When I was pregnant I threw Kermit out of the house…literally, I pushed him off the porch and threw his clothes out the window.” Maya looked shocked to hear it. “And then I cried and asked him if he was going to leave me.” Kermit laughed a little, remembering the story from more than a decade ago. 
> 
> “What she’s trying to say is when you’re pregnant you kind of get a pass on being crazy.” He told her. 
> 
> “Did my mom act crazy when she was pregnant with me?” Maya asked, feeling a little lighter if only for the moment. 
> 
> Kermit let out a laugh and got a nudge from Jules for being too loud, not wanting to wake Matthew. “Oh yeah, she was hot all the time, and she stood in the middle of a clothing store, bawling because they didn’t have a fan for sale in the middle of winter. And one time she peed on herself when she was really pregnant and laughing in the movie theatre. She took my jacket to hide her wet pants and just walked out. Didn’t tell anyone she’d done it.” Maya laughed a little. “She threw me out a few times too, once because I brought home the wrong brand of bread, and Jules threw me out with both of the girls at least twice. But…I know she didn’t mean it. It’s just one of those things, kiddo. Pregnant women are allowed to be crazy, and when we love them we forgive them. Just like I forgave you for throwing that pair of shoes at me when I knocked on your door.”
> 
> Maya gave a sheepish smile to her father and shrugged a little, she supposed they were right, maybe it was a hormonal decision, something that happened while she was being crazy pregnant and they wouldn’t hate her for it. But how likely was it that Josh knew that? Sure he wanted to go to med school but he wasn’t likely to be dealing with actual pregnant women yet. “What if he hates me?” Maya asked, her biggest fears coming out. “What if he hates me and thinks I’ll be a terrible mom and so he sues for custody and wins and I never see Matthew again?” There was clearly a slight hormonal imbalance still in the first month of Matthew’s life.
> 
> “Maya, no one is going to take this baby away from you. No one.” Jules told her step-daughter. “We would never let that happen.” Maya bit at her lip, looking to her son her mind still not settled from the fears she felt rushing through. “Plus, you’ve always told us that the Matthews were good people, if he’s as good as you say, if they all are, then they will not hurt you, they’ll make an effort to understand. Have faith, sweetheart.”
> 
> “I’ve never been very good at that.” Maya muttered with a sigh. “I just want the best for Matthew.”
> 
> Kermit’s arm moved around his eldest daughter. “He already has the best.” He told her, kissing the side of her head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sequel started: [Reckless Journey](http://archiveofourown.org/works/7034917)


End file.
